Unforgettable Lines

*obvious dead dwarf near a door* PC: "Ill check for traps" *rolls low* DM: "No traps were found." *party making faces* PC:"Its not trapped i think, you go ahead palladin!" DM:"Party gets deafened and takes 10 HP damage."

In a Palladium game a friend of mine ran eons ago: The player of a wolven mercenary fighter in our party, pronounces "voulge" incorrectly saying "Voll-GUH." We tease him about this. (Just for reference, it's pronounced "voolzh." It's French. A truly alarming number of military terms are French.) To which he retorts, "Hey! I just paid 13,324 silver for that weapon, I'll call it whatever the f*** I like!" Laughter ensues. Later said wolven uses said voulge to introduce an enemy to his viscera. Seeing this, a player says, "So, did you di-voulge the truth from him?" More laughter ensues. Yes, we are nerds. It's hopeless.

GM: You're going to kill the Captain PC: I Don't Care

Daniel B. said: Pavlos S. said: What are the most memorable lines from the games you've played? We walked into a room with all the big baddies we had been looking for, forever, and it looked like we had zero chance of living, let alone winning the encounter, when my buddy stole an old wrestling line. He sat up straight and in his character's voice said, "Well hello there, I have some good news and some bad news for you villains, the good news is that you have a choice of an ass-kicking or a cupcake, the bad news is that there was a run on the cupcakes." We all busted out laughing and did indeed carry the day, though just barely, but a good time was had by all. That line originates from the movie They Live (1988), not wrestling: "I have come to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

"expletive Racist Ballistas" After the party cleared 4 Crossbow turrets that did not target dwarves. If I recall correctly the turrets caused 2 crits or at least very high damage on the Elf and Half-Elf. That was at second level and they still mutter about it at level 8.

Michael B. said: "expletive Racist Ballistas" After the party cleared 4 Crossbow turrets that did not target dwarves. If I recall correctly the turrets caused 2 crits or at least very high damage on the Elf and Half-Elf. That was at second level and they still mutter about it at level 8. "Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because — what with trolls and dwarfs and so on — speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green." ( Witches Abroad , by Terry Pratchett)

Group gets into a fight with some goblins. Goblins die, party starts to loot bodies. Brand new to RP rogue: "I put it in the bag." DM: "You put what in the bag?" rogue: "The goblin." Thus starts the ongoing joke that the rogue takes at least part of a corpse from every fight and puts it into a bag. Later point in time. Party wizard dies, gets disintegrated by epic level lich, rogue takes mage dust and puts it in bag. Same rogue, grabs vial, activates spinning wall trap into a room full of water. Puts vial (potion of water breathing) back down, comes back, pees in a vial, and switches the vials Indiana Jones style.

Another gem, this one in a homebrew campaign based around TSR's old FASERIP system (But no, not about superheroes, it was sword and sorcery.). Our party is in a very close fight with a couple of giants, one of which just killed the party's wizard. A player in our group that night had created a warrior named Mahon McLear. As the wizard fell, the player stands up at the table and in a pretty good Scots accent, says, "'Ere! Whyn'cha pick on someone yar own size?" McLear then runs up to the giant, scrambles up his legs and torso and headbutts the giant into unconsciousness. We pretty much agreed for the rest of the evening that, in McLear's eyes, he was the same size as those giants. Not really that funny but definitely epic in the execution!

PC (me): I'm sorry, but did we just kill the lovechild of Stephen King, and H.P. Lovecraft with a Care Bear Stare?! DM: You dropped a mountain on it too...

Mr. Farlops said: Another gem, this one in a homebrew campaign based around TSR's old FASERIP system (But no, not about superheroes, it was sword and sorcery.). Our party is in a very close fight with a couple of giants, one of which just killed the party's wizard. A player in our group that night had created a warrior named Mahon McLear. As the wizard fell, the player stands up at the table and in a pretty good Scots accent, says, "'Ere! Whyn'cha pick on someone yar own size?" McLear then runs up to the giant, scrambles up his legs and torso and headbutts the giant into unconsciousness. We pretty much agreed for the rest of the evening that, in McLear's eyes, he was the same size as those giants. Not really that funny but definitely epic in the execution! Sounds like a Nac Mac Feegle! Mahon certainly gave the bigjob a face full o' heid! They can tak' oour lives but they cannae tak' oour troousers!

And sometimes my own jokes as GM totally fall flat. A couple of weeks ago, in my game, one of the players for some nutty reason, started into Abbot and Costello's infamous "Who's on First?" sketch. I think this was because someone proposed the idea of making the adventuring party into a baseball team with various familiars, summoned creatures and pets as outfielders. The "Who's on First?" goes round the virtual table a few times and then sputters to a halt after everyone milks it for all its worth. A few minutes later, just because my brain goes to weird places and a few nights before I was reading about Bertrand Russell, I say, totally deadpan, "In a parallel universe Abbott and Costello became professional philosophers and Wittgenstein went into vaudeville and standup." It pretty much flew over everyone's head. So I guess that is an example of an utterly forgettable line.

Ah, it was the timing that sucked. :-)

Agnes O. said: Ah, it was the timing that sucked. :-) Well, that's it, isn't it? Timing is everything in comedy!

Playing in custom GURPs game with a highly religious DM. The party is teleported from the future back to WWII where Europe is overrun with Zombies created by Hitler. We driving in a old jeep running over zombies and shooting from the jeep. Up ahead, we see a robed bearded man walking in the middle of the street and the zombies are parting for him. The player driving the car decides rather then go around him, that he would hit said robed man. The robed man gets knocked in the air, lands on his feet and keeps going. At the end of the game, he explains that he put Jesus in the campaign and that the driver intentionally hit him. Said player stays the night at DM's home. In the morning, he is walking to the bathroom, stumbles on air, & falls out a window by the bathroom door. The DM sticks comes to the window, sticks his head out and say "You won't hit Jesus again will you?". To this day, the player avoids any robed bearded people he sees in the DM's campaigns.

Heh! Reminds me a bit of Shortpacked's Historical Jesus .

Ryan M. said: Said player stays the night at DM's home. In the morning, he is walking to the bathroom, stumbles on air, & falls out a window by the bathroom door. The DM sticks comes to the window, sticks his head out and say "You won't hit Jesus again will you?". To this day, the player avoids any robed bearded people he sees in the DM's campaigns. It sounds more like your DM is a deranged lunatic that throws people out windows for offending him.

I was playing in a Shadowrun campaign long, long ago. We were hired by a corporation to go and search for some buried artifact or something and then bring it back to them, which we do. They give us other jobs to do and we go off and do them as well as we are working trying to put together all the pieces of what's going on. It is actually a very interesting campaign with a good balance of intrigue and combat. Finally at some point we are contacted by someone representing another group that we've been running into off and on through our adventures. He arranges a meeting and after taking ample precautions we show up. He may have said something in the way of greeting or thanking us for meeting with him, I can't recall, but then he leads in with 'The corporation you've been working for has lied to you'. I don't know why I did it. Even though it was pretty obviously coming I hadn't planned my reaction to it so this was a completely spur of the moment thing and there was no warning to any of the other players. I threw me hands to my head and let out this long wailing 'NOOOOOOOoooooooooooo! They lied to us! They lied to us!' I banged my head against the table repeatedly and pounded my fists then sat back up and said 'Of course they lied to us! We're Shadowrunners!' I continued on a brief tirade for a few moments talking about things such as being able to tell people are lying to us because their lips are moving and such. There was about a five minute break after that while everyone stopped laughing.

Paladin: "What did you just do?" Classless Goblin wielding an aspergillum filled with itching powder : "I am a WEEEzard! I eet you wit my Eetchy Stick! Powerful Magix! Curse you!" Paladin: *Scratches*

Resident Kyantol said: Ryan M. said: Said player stays the night at DM's home. In the morning, he is walking to the bathroom, stumbles on air , & falls out a window by the bathroom door. The DM sticks comes to the window, sticks his head out and say "You won't hit Jesus again will you?". To this day, the player avoids any robed bearded people he sees in the DM's campaigns. It sounds more like your DM is a deranged lunatic that throws people out windows for offending him. Unless he can manipulate air into becoming solid enough for people to trip on, then I don't think so.

This is less of a line, and more an utterly hilarious and saddening event that just happened tonight in my D&D group. I sent my players againt 3 orc warriors, expecting a uick and easy fight. wrong. One of the orcs never rolled less than a 10 on his 1d12 damage, and ended up with 3 critical hits in 8 swings. by the second critical hit, we had named him "steve the destroyer", and he then did something that made him the most unforgettable orc minion ever. Our wizard tried to put him and his boss (who was far weaker than steve) to sleep, but he hit our dwarven warlord too. Steve didn't so much as yawn and when the dwarf fell asleep, Steve hit with a coup de grace, doing an automatic critical (and his greataxe was a high crit weapon, so it did extra damage.) doing well over half of his HP in one swing. This instantly killed our warlord and drove the rest of the party into a frenzy as they desperately tried to finish of the mighty steve the destroyer. R.I.P. Shrumronotub the Chef. R.I.P. Steve the Destroyer... for now...

I am currently running an Unknown Ponies campaign here on Roll20; thus the campaign is set in the world of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic , and the player characters are all children (foals) on the cusp of pubescence (blank flanks). The campaign began with a field trip during Spring Break, to go visit a paleontological dig site. The first session dealt with one character's parents not having signed the permission slip to go. I thought this would set the tone for the story; that is, the major crises would be mundane things. Of course my players were going to prove that wrong. That's a player's job, right? Anyway, as they come in for a landing at their destination, I describe Thunder-Drum Mountain to them. An interesting piece of background set. Or so I thought. One of my pegasus players latched onto the fact that I described the mountain as being ringed by clouds, with none coming within a certain distance. (Note: In the MLP show, weather is planned , rather than predicted. Pegasi manipulate clouds/etc. to rain/etc. on schedule.) I gave a token effort to nudge the player away from the scenery by having NPCs say things along the lines of "I think the wind just pushes the clouds away" when the players asked questions (the one got the others interested, of course). The budding mad scientist pegasus player decides to try an experiment, and floats along the wind as though he was also a cloud, to test whether the wind indeed pushed them away. Of course, by this point, the mountain has become a plot point, without me planning to give it much of a second thought. But I roll with it, and for the past several weeks we've been exploring this mysterious mountain. As it turned out, the mountain was a volcano. An ice volcano. And underneath the volcano was an entity made of the concept of being alive. My pegasi players fed the entity power in the form of extra wind. The entity thanked them (sort of...) and created an exit from the mountain for them. As it used the extra power to beget some new life. This same entity called Celestia and Luna (the two main pony princesses, considered in fanon to be the goddesses of the Sun and Moon, as they can each move their respective celestial body) its "first children." And my players gave it sufficient power to beget life once again. Then the mountain exploded. Brian (GM): Suddenly, the thunderous drumming stops. Brian (GM): And then the mountain explodes -> switches playerpage back to the landing screen Brian (GM): g'nite everypony! /runs away laughing Richard F.: I blame everyone who isn't me BluntPoint: what Liz: ... BluntPoint: WHAT BluntPoint: WHAAAT Liz: I blame Gin -> Gin Gear is the character that started this whole mess DCL: I blame michael bay. Aerdan: Me too. Winged Cat: "Dear Princess Celestia, today we learned that friendship is triggering apocalypses." BluntPoint: DAMMIT GIN COULDA HAD A NICE DIG AND STUFF NO Richard F.: Dear Princess whoever. Please send help. Winged Cat: Gin: "But, but, we're learning so much! Science!" Richard F.: WHAT SCIENCE DID WE EVEN GIN, WHAT SCIENCE?! DCL: And now the science is leaking. Richard F.: "We learned Magic Spiders a bajillion years ago froze themselves in a time capsle under a mountain. THat isn't science, that's History, which is barely a subject

Busy modern-day metropolis, early afternoon. Multi-level office building - old stone and brick variety with arched windows, gargoyles, etc. 5 stories tall, wedged between many others just like it. Our team, an elite government task force, has been given the assignment to investigate this building's occupants for suspected illegal activities. Just a routine investigation, they said. Probably won't even need your weapons, they said. We laughed. We took them anyway, but only the basics, concealed. Long story shortened, everything goes wrong, the crap hits the fan while the fan's at high speed, we get ambushed while in a waiting room on the 2nd floor, etc. We survive the whole mess of being outnumbered, out positioned, but thankfully not out-gunned or out-skilled - we WERE an elite team after all. We did manage to burn through ALL of our ammo before the end of the fight, and had to rely on hand-to-hand to finish it. But then we realized we still had to deal with The Boss . We burst into his office with the intent of just gang tackling him. Well that worked about as poorly as possible. It didn't help that none of us rolled all that well for our attacks and The Boss rolled a critical success for his defense, but OF COURSE he's a martial arts master! I'm not talking standard military training martial arts, we ALL had that, I'm talking wuxia-style chi-punch martial arts - everything but the fireballs. So, a long, bloody (on our side) fight ensues. Thankfully one of our number is also well trained in the 'cool' martial arts. After many rounds of being ineffective, except as a punching/kicking/elbowing bag for The Boss, we decide to try a new tactic. Distract and sacrifice. Several of the party members delayed their actions to all go at the same time as a distraction to burn up his defensive actions, and our MA specialist went immediately after, spending the last HeroPoint/ActionDie/ WhatEverYouWantToCallIt and rolled a crit to hit! The Boss took a surprise flying spin kick to the face, sending him sprawling backward - through the large plate-glass window, falling 5 floors to land awkwardly on a parked car, crushing its roof, blowing out its windows, and setting off its alarm. We all lean out the window to see. He lay there, motionless, bent and broken - blood pouring from his mouth and nose. To the quickly gathering crowd (remember, early afternoon metropolis), one of our group re-lights his cigar and yells down very matter-of-fact deadpan, " Don't touch that. It's evidence. "

Playing 3.5e I was a first time DM and I had all but 1 first time players in a party of 6, and as a running gag I always figured out a way to include at least one gelatinous cube in each dungeon. Some examples are, Dropped on the rouge from a trap door in the ceiling when she activated a trap, sacrificed to a gelatinous cube by cube worshiping orcs, launched at the PC's via over sized catapult. Basically I would move heaven and earth to fit one in the oddest of places. Anyway, the PC's were investigating a local prankster/mad-mans mansion. The PC's are about level 2-3 at this point. So they make their way into a bathroom/spa of sorts. The rouge, it's always the rouge, decides to turn on one of the taps on the bath tubs, I describe that a deep gurgling sound comes from the pipes of all the bathtubs in the the room and the PC's take a defensive position in the middle of the room. 4 small gelatinous cubes make their way out of the wet-works, literally. The PC's fight the cubes but find themselves out matched and run away and barricade themselves in a room to rest up. During that time I roll to see where the cubes wander and one of them ends up in a room populated by other monsters, I roll to see who wins the fight, the cube does, I assume that a gelatinous cube would eat the monsters and thus I increase it's size and HP. After resting the PC's happen to make a bee-line to the room with the now Large gelatinous cube in it. The second they see the cube our bard shouts "Oh god! They've all fused into one!" Out of all the possible reactions, that was the one I was not expecting . I just go right into a massive laughing fit that lasts for 10 minutes. During that time the PCs are actually concerned that I might suffocated because of all the laughing, which makes me laugh even harder. In the end I had to leave and get some water without telling the PC's. When I get back to my headset the first thing I hear is. "Guys, I think we accidentally killed our GM..." cue more laughing. After I finally manage to get a hold of myself we then argue for 20 minutes about is it even possible for gelatinous cubes to fuse together. In the end I gave them all bonus exp for making me laugh that hard.

Aaron D. said: I just go right into a massive laughing fit that lasts for 10 minutes. During that time the PCs are actually concerned that I might suffocated because of all the laughing, which makes me laugh even harder. Yeah, I've had those lots of times! It's pathetically easy to make me laugh hysterically over the stupidest of things--usually non sequiturs or absurd juxtapositions. The kind of humor where you really can't explain what it is that you're laughing at. On the worst, I laugh and laugh until the diaphragm under my lungs begins to ache.

"CAN I INTIMIDATE THE TREES?" For those of you who are curious, it worked.

Half our party got mind controlled, leading the wizard to fireball the fighter. After everyone was healed up she turned to the fighter and said "Ok, I'll give you one good blow to make this even." Phrasing!!

We were playing 2nd ed, The Temple of Elemental Evil. The party had just fought a host of trolls and was beaten up pretty severely. The spellcasters were out of spells and the rest of the party had 5 hp or less. The party decides it is time to go topside and find a place to rest, heal, and replenish spells. The party starts up the stairs to leave when a p[layer named Steve decides "I'll kick down just one more door." Of course there are 6 more trolls that "were" sleeping in that room. Three other party members exclaim at once, "DAM IT STEVE"! Now that's what the party says if someone wants to go off on their own or split the party up.

Lizardfolk attack the town. Party goes to wall to see how they got in. Find Grappling hooks. My Dwarf inspects said Grappling hooks. Them-"What did you discover?" Me-"These were made in Greyhawk." Them-"How can you tell?" Me-"It says 'Made in Greyhawk' on the handle."

every scene with this guy in it <a href="http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Old_Man_Henderson" rel="nofollow">http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Old_Man_Henderson</a> not my work. worthy of reading. all I'm saying

In a campaign, PC 1 rolls a full-blooded Orc Barbarian. Through various means he ends up with about 24 strength, going up to 28 when enraged. (This is at around level 3-5) So immediately thinks he's invincible and comes into a city in the midst of a revolution. Three drow are standing behind a heavy oak table which has been set up as a barricade. His response: "I GOT THIS!!". Charge and Bullrush the table, also pushing the drow behind it. (Can't remember the exact DC but it was huge) Needless to say, he rolled a critical failure. GM immediately takes a sip of his coffee and says (deadpan) 'What noise does a 250 pound Orc make when it hits a table? Everyone looks at each-other grinning as the GM softly says 'Raaaaaaaaaaaa-*thunk*' (As he drops his coffee mug down on our wooden table) So yes. Three drow standing incredibly confused wondering where the massive Orc went. Who, co-incidentally is on the other side of the table, completely out cold.

Michael H. said: every scene with this guy in it <a href="http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Old_Man_Henderson" rel="nofollow">http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Old_Man_Henderson</a> not my work. worthy of reading. all I'm saying +1

Brian said: Then the mountain exploded. BluntPoint: DAMMIT GIN COULDA HAD A NICE DIG AND STUFF NO Fast forward to the next story arc. My players set a certain chain of events in motion, but none of them succeed on their rolls to clue in their characters. From that point on, whenever one of them mentioned the starting point of that chain, thunder rumbled through the sky (you know, dramatic lightning, and all that). Another crack of thunder echoes through the air Gin Gear: Think we should go check it out? Red Robin: Nuh uh, the last time ya went ta "check out" some weird phenomena ya nearly got yerself killed As it turned out, Gin was (unintentionally) responsible for getting the school principal to call Foal Protective Services on the father of one of the other players. Brian (GM): Good job breaking it, hero! Liz: ...Gins a terrible pony BluntPoint: Gin, don't make my father erupt plz I don't suppose that you planned for this? Brian (GM): My original plan was centering around Otan. But then you guys go and give me a plot hook with Low Tide, and Gin goes and talks to the Mr. Grape about it. BluntPoint: DAMMIT GIN COULDA HAD STORY WITH OTAN NOW I HAVE NO FATHER Liz: GOOD JOB GIN WAY TO RUIN EVERYTHING Richard F.: That's what I wanted. I just wanted a nice story about a pony getting accepted by everyone. Liz: so, just curious, what were we SUPPOSED to do in zebrica? before we blew it up Brian (GM): Zebrica was originally going to be a nice vacation, playing in the dirt and learning alchemy for anypony that wanted to. Liz: FRICKIN GIN BluntPoint: DAMMIT' Richard F.: Now it's blown up The game system we're using is based on Unknown Armies , where literally anything can be a skill. The houserule I'm using for this game for gaining new skills (since Unknown Ponies has no rule for it, and UA uses xp but UP has none) requires trying to use a skill untrained three times before you can get it as a new skill. At the end of this session, Gin's player wondered if he could get the skill "Apocalypse." =)