This week in Alpha Complex: ... nothing happened in Sector OMG. There is no cause for alarm. And in GOT sector: Fresh off last week's thermonuclear detonation, our intrepid team of newly-cloned troubleshooters gathered at the Emergency Backup R&D facility to be issued experimental equipment that is in no way exact copies of the prototypes previously contained at the original pre-vaporization R&D building. Friend Computer notes that R&D protoypes are unique and valuable, and Friend Computer is always right. Happily, the team's cagey veterans were assigned two new members to enhance team efficiency: Geeba-R of Power Services and Urgan-R from Research and Development. Rumors that Urgan-R was assigned to prevent any other R&D facilities from being reduced to radioactive ash are treason. Rumors that Geeba-R was assigned because Friend Computer figures a mission to repair a power conduit could use someone with actual power conduit experience are also treason. Because all rumors are treason, Friend Citizen. But some treasons are less treasonous than others. In any case, after their safe and automatic transport to the R&D facility, our team set about dealing with the electroshock barrier preventing them from accessing their assigned experimental equipment. Troubleshooter Bravo-R valiantly operated the barrier's control console by pressing all 10 buttons at once to make the passage safe. With fleetness of foot and quick thinking, Team Leader Git-R, Communications and Recording Officer Fon-R and new member Urgan-R proceeded to the pile of equipment. Meanwhile, the electroshock barrier came back up behind them, much to the consternation of the loyal troubleshooters still on the original side of the barrier. Troubleshooter Bravo-R, who had been standing by the control console, was particularly vexed - vexed, I say! - by the mysterious circumstance that had trapped the Team Leader and two fellow troubleshooters. With the skillful assistance of Archie-R and Geeba-R, Troubleshooter Bravo-R proceeded to press buttons on the console randomly in hopes of freeing his compatriots from their plight. Meanwhile, Troubleshooter Urgan-R helpfully pulled out his weapon and attempted to fire through the electroshock barrier at the apparently malfunctioning control console. Unfortunately, this activated one of the defensive security robots protecting the equipment. As Git-R, undeterred by the dangerous situation, provided calm and stable leadership by claiming an experimental wristwatch, Troubleshooter Fon-R leapt into action by boldly talking at the security bot in an attempt to convince it the troubleshooters were loyal servants of Friend Computer. Thanks to Fon-R's precision logic and efficient tone (assisted in no small part by a pair of critical successes on the dice rolls) this effort proved successful in turning the bot, whom Fon-R named 'Lenny', from hostile to friendly. Meanwhile, other troubleshooters made themselves useful by helpfully shooting their lasers at the electroshock generators or the security bot. This did not bring the barrier down, but it did help to polish some dirt off the device. Everyone likes a clean, hygenic environment, after all. With the services of Lenny to call upon, our merry band proceeded to blast a hole in the wall behind the barrier, thus freeing the trapped clones and allowing the team to finally access their assigned R&D equipment. However, just when it seemed that the challenges of R&D were over, a grenade bounced through a door and into the room near the control console! Unfortunately, Troubleshooter Archie-R, who had been standing sentry near the door, had stepped out for what were surely completely non-treasonous reasons and he was therefore not on hand to identify the culprit. As our heroic team of troubleshooters rushed out into the hallway to find the traitor responsible for the napalm spreading across the control console, it soon became clear to Team Leader Git-R that the group was under assault by an invisible mutant traitor - possibly even one with Commie leanings - thanks to the repeated blasts of laser fire coming from down corridors which contained only loyal team members! What other possible explanation could there be for such things? Lenny seemed to be the target of much of the inbound fire, demonstrating that invisible mutants have a disliking for bots that has nothing whatsoever to do with other members of the team being jealous of Fon-R's new assistant. Fon-R bravely shielded Lenny through skillful working of the crockpot lid she had been assigned in last week's mission. Some sort of malfunction with the lights led to Urgan-R's determined testing of the experimental night vision goggles, which worked perfectly, by generating a beam of light that sliced through the darkness and in no way resembled an arrow pointing directly at Urgan-R's head. A veritable smorgasbord of grenades broke out as the invisible traitors continued their assault on Lenny, and any troubleshooter unfortunate enough to be caught in the blast radius. Troubleshooters such as Geeba-R who was badly burned by an acid grenade. Team Leader Git-R came over to assist, offering the helpful advice to 'stop drop and roll'. Regrettably, around this time Troubleshooter Urgan-R mistook Geeba's thrashing about as an attack on his team leader and proceeded to terminate Geeba-R for this behavior. Shortly after this, it was discovered that Brent-R, a registered mutant, wasn't merely a mutant ... he was also a traitor who maliciously fired on his team members in support of the invisible traitor attack! As cries of "hooga-booga banana" echoed through the corridors of R&D, interspersed with the not-entirely-infrequent sound of exploding grenades, the team cornered Brent-R in a narrow corridor and stationed troubleshooters at both ends to prevent escape. Fon-R assisted by throwing some of the 17 plasteel sporks (2 with broken tines) she had previously picked up from PLC. The traitorous Brent-R, hemmed in by pools of acid on one side, napalm on the other and a patch of ice between them, attempted an acrobatic maneuver that went less well than he was expecting. Though he survived this, it resulted in severe burns to the posterior region that reduced his mobility. However, renewed assaults by invisible traitors (who else could it possibly have been?) on both ends of the corridor resulted in the unfortunate death of Equipment Officer Archie-R. This was followed quite shortly by the death of Team Leader Git-R after Archie's load of grenades fell into the pool of napalm that killed him. This allowed Brent-R to escape through the hole their deaths had left in the troubleshooter line. Or so he thought, before one of the invisible traitors shot him at the exit - apparently there is no honor amongst commies. Rumors that one of the loyal troubleshooters was seen slinking through the shadows in the area are treason. Lenny finally succumbed to the assault, resulting in Fon first attempting to upload his AI to her mini-flamer, then her vibrosword, and finally cutting off his head and using GLU to stick it on one of her sporks. Around this time, Troubleshooter Bravo-R stabbed Troubleshooter Venmo-R in the back, both figuratively and literally, killing him instantly. Faced with this obvious treason, Recording Officer Fon-R faced off with Bravo-R in a fight to the death. And death it was for Fon-R. Quickly destroying the recording device carrying evidence of any treason, Troubleshooter Bravo-R immediately contacted Friend Computer with a request for emergency scrubot deployment thanks to the mess left by the incident. Upon reporting the commie attack and his valiant and successful efforts to quell the treasonous upstarts, at the regrettable price of the lives of the rest of his troubleshooter team, Friend Computer promptly promoted Citizen Bravo to Orange security clearance. Well done, Bravo-O! Perhaps next week, our valiant team of Troubleshooters will get to begin their mission. Who can tell?
