Complete newcomer with 0 understanding or knowledge needs group to teach how to D&D 5e

I'm a complete newcomer to Tabletop games and D&D, and though I own the Player's Handbook and I read the compendium, just reading all that information only made me more and more confused because my brain melts too easily. I need a DM/group willing to teach me step by step how to make a character and how to D&D 5e. I apologise in advance for any stupid/lewd/game-ruining things I might do, I'm unfortunately the type to get carried away easily and, being a storywriter, my characters tend to be.... TOO vivid whenever I'm in any non-tabletop Role Playing setting. My availability is also limited to between noon and midnight CET on weekends. Anyone with even the slightest bit of experience with D&D will most likely find me utterly infuriating, but I'd appreciate any help I can get learning how to D&D. Thank you in advance. Oh, right. Note that I didn't understand the tutorial on how to Roll20 either because it kept glitching and being overall unreadable, so, erm, I might need some help there too. I apologise for the inconvenience of my current lack of competence, I really do, and I hope I'll be less infuriating to help than I think I'll be... -"Kuraio"

While you're trying to find a group, I'd suggest watching some roleplaying shows.  Critical Role, for example, would give you an idea of how roleplaying works.  Or the Roll4It gang.  They're small and probably a more accurate representation of how things go.

See, that'd help if I could actually foillow those. But I have trouble following anything I'm not directly part of, which is why I have to learn by doing, unfortunately. Which, as I understand, is very hard to do in a tabletop...

Oh, yes, I forgot to mention and... for some reason my edit button isn't working, but this is kind of something to note. I do have experience writing and roleplaying, as one could probably guess from how I said I'm a storywriter. But, more specifically, what I specialise in are characters, as in, backstories, personalities and finer details. I am, unfortunately, unable to illustrate my characters in any way, however, and just because I specialise in characters doesn't mean the characters are good, just... thought out. So, when I asked for help making characters and learning D&D, I more specifically needed help with the technical aspects, like rolls, stats, items, teamwork, ETC. Similarly, in learning how to use Roll20, I'll need clarification more than anything. I just don't have a brain for the technical stuff, I fear. Too single-mindedly focusing all my energy on writing whole goddamn universes that never make it onto paper in my head to remember technical stuff I've never done and only been told about. Sorry for not clarifying this sooner, I only just realised I never actually specified which parts are troublesome, just a vague idea of what I need help with. And by the time I realised, my edit button just decided that it had a day off, I guess. My sincerest apologies for the lack of clarity.

I don't have any open spots in my games at the moment, but if you're looking for a place to find purely text based games I'd recommend the Knights of the Written Word,&nbsp; <a href="https://app.roll20.net/join/1779492/6GEyXw" rel="nofollow">https://app.roll20.net/join/1779492/6GEyXw</a> . It's not really a game, just a place for people to find games. I'm on there, and I can say they're a nice bunch. If you need any help with the Roll20 system and 5e rules, you could message me too. I don't mind helping new people out a bit :P

I've got room in mine. <a href="https://app.roll20.net/lfg/listing/170767/the-world-of-dynas-nost-era-ii" rel="nofollow">https://app.roll20.net/lfg/listing/170767/the-world-of-dynas-nost-era-ii</a> and come find me if you want.