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Heroes Be Shopping

Bob stayed inside the Temple of Beauty to put Lady Firehair’s house in order.   Varien flew astride The Arcetalos in a fiery arc over Waterdeep. Even at Highsun, the flames of the phoenix were visible, incandescent, carving contrails across the sky as the paladin shouted with unbridled joy. Hundreds of Waterdhavian jaws dropped open in unison at the sight.   Siegfried looked over at Violance, who ethereally glided into this bedchamber. “Now, I hope I don’t have to offer you a sacrifice every time I raise you from the dead.” Violance looked down his nose at Siegfried. Are you saying that was my fault back there? Siegfried smiled at his nightmare. “We’ll get you some armour.” It had better look good, Violance said, tossing his mane. There was a firm, yet polite, knock at Siegfried’s door. “Ah, Cauldar, come in,” Siegfried said. Cauldar’s arms were crossed. “Didn’t hear you ring the front door, Siegfried.” “Yes, ah, I’m not used to ducking back home merely to change,” Siegfried said, indicating his formal attire. “Going somewhere?” Cauldar asked. “Yes, I happen to have tickets to the opera with a lady friend,” Siegfried said. “In a less-than-romatic capacity.” Cauldar’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Interesting,” he said, inspecting his fingernails. “So you will not be escorting the Lady Hawkwinter to the social event of the season?” “You mean The Fall of Tiamat tonight?” Siegfried asked. Cauldar nodded. “It’s the only thing worth seeing, Siegfried. I’m actually surprised that you managed to score tickets. Even Lady Lureena was hard-pressed to secure an invite.” “Well, Cauldar, you might have saved my bacon yet again,” Siegfried said to the majordomo. “What else am I here for, if not to save your bacon, young Master?” Cauldar said. His eyes flicked towards Siegfried’s open window. “You should also know that while you are being unusually discreet this afternoon, so are the City Watch who are keeping this house under surveillance.” Siegfried sighed. “They have. I am running out of things to hide lately.” “Well Siegfried, we all reach a point in our lives where we must stand unadorned and exposed as our own man,” Cauldar said. His eyes flicked to where Violance was half-in and half-out of the prime material plane. Cauldar’s eyebrow rose a fraction. “Young Master, recall that our stables are located in back of the house. You remember our conversations about hiding pets in your room when you were a boy?” “Cauldar, this is my colleague Violance,” Siegfried said, indicating his horse. “I have stolen him from Hell by the Right of Conquest.” Cauldar covered his reaction with a polite cough. “Charmed,” he said thinly.   The skies above Waterdeep were by no means empty. There were griffon riders and messenger birds criss-crossing above the wards, to say nothing of the mundane pigeons, gulls, and occasional falcons that ruled the roosts of the city. We are attracting some attention , Arcetalos said to Varien. Several of the aforementioned griffon riders were now flying on an intercept course. “We don’t have time for this,” Varien said. “Let’s lose them!” He pointed to a dim but visible purple glow in a neighbourhood in the North Ward. “That’s our target.” Arcetalos cast a contemptuous glance over its pinioning wings at its pursuers and dropped into a steep dive, Varien holding on for dear life, as the phoenix turned into a hurtling fireball that dove meteor-like towards the cobblestone streets. At the last second, the phoenix pulled up and cruised just above the swaying drays and the network of flags and bunting that criss-crossed between the buildings on either side of the streets. There were shrieks of panic from adults and shrieks of delight from children as Arcetalos shot down alleyways and cul-de-sacs until it had lost the perplexed griffons and their riders. Executing a barrel roll, the phoenix deposited Varien on the rooftop of the Thann rowhouse on Suldown Street before alighting near the chimneys, the smoke rising from them mingling with its own radiant exhaust and providing camouflage. “I think I saw an open window,” Varien said, negotiating the steep shingled roof. “Can you take me down?” The Arcetalos nodded. Varien hopped astride as the phoenix hovered outside Siegfried’s window.   There was a thudding sound on the roof of the rowhouse. Cauldar glanced upwards and sighed, his hand straying beneath his robe to either sound an alarm or draw a weapon, or both. His attention was drawn to a reddish glow outside the window. Varien stepped through the open window, while the flaming phoenix hovered outside. “Cauldar, you remember Varien,” Siegfried said without missing a beat. “Yes, I recall his last visit,” Cauldar said. Varien stepped forward to shake a proffered hand. “Mr. Aether, was it? I was just reminding my young charge that we do, in fact, have a small but well-appointed set of stables in our backyard where mounts can be boarded in comfort. Welcome back to Sweetsong House and we remain at your service.” Varien turned to regard the Arcetalos. “Would you mind? I think our host would appreciate it.” The Arcetalos nodded curtly and flapped its fiery wings, soaring over the house to land around back. “Violance, feel free to join the Arcetalos around back,” Siegfried said. “It’s important that you two get along.” Violance took a long look at Siegfried, then said Right. The nightmare turned ethereal and drifted through the floorboards on its way through the house. There was a muffled scream of alarm as the half-visible steed strode through Kowalski’s room, and the sound of a four-foot-tall stack of imported light novels from Kara-Tur fell over with a crash. Siegfried winced. “You are a disappointment to your generation,” he said to his brother under his breath. “So, Mr. Aether, will you be joining young Master Thann at the theatre tonight?” Cauldar asked, giving the paladin an appraising glance. “Siegfried?” Varien asked. “That’s the plan,” Siegfried said. “While I have you here, might I interest you in this copy of the infamous Book of Shadows ?” He pulled the volume from its spot on a crowded set of shelves near his writing desk. “Should I question why you would have such a thing?” Varien said, gingerly accepting the book and surveying its eerie bindings and cover. “Varien, your magic comes from a wonderful and blessed place,” Siegfried said, indicating the symbol of Sune emblazoned on the paladin’s shield. “Mine, on the other hand does not, and it would do me a great disservice were I not to attempt to understand the fell origins of my magic, lest I bring harm to someone unintentionally.” He opened the book to show Varien its contents. “Now, this particular edition of the Book of Shadows has been transliterated from its original tongue into Common, which renders impotent its dark magical secrets. But this will help you to understand the origins of necromancy, how necromancers think and how they operate. Know thy enemy.” Varien snapped the book shut. “I do understand all that, Siegfried. It’s just sometimes your tongue is a little too silver.” Cauldar was making a point of not listening to the conversation, nor acknowledging the presence of this dark tome in his charge’s care. “Listen, I read this story when I was 8 years old,” Siegfried said. “Just know Siegfried, I would be terribly disappointed if we ever did cross swords,” Varien said. “Why would we ever do such a thing?” Siegfried asked. “It would be such a waste of our talents!” “Exactly!” Varien said brightly, clapping Siegfried on the shoulder. “Varien, I’ve had to do a lot more to adapt to your way of doing things than you’ve had to adapt to my way of doing things,” Siegfried said. “Rightly so!” Varien replied. “Yet, there was that one time when I tried to use guile and the rest of you massacred an entire Gilded Eye patrol,” Siegfried said. “But that’s in the past.” Varien rolled his eyes. “So, this opera tonight will be a sort of fancy dress arrangement, yes?” Varien asked, looking down at his plate armour. “Quite,” Cauldar said pointedly. “Don’t worry Varien, my wardrobe is your wardrobe,” Siegfried said, waving his hand at a large walk-in closet stuffed with fancy clothes. Varien drew his mouth into a thin line. Cauldar looked appraisingly at Varien. “Once you’re out of your armour, I’m sure we can ensure that whatever you choose to wear with be properly fitted.” “We have staff for that,” Siegfried explained. Varien began to paw through the racks of clothing. “Nothing with lacy frills, I think.” “You won’t find frills here,” Siegfried said. “Frills are decidedly out this season,” Cauldar said. Varien pulled out something reserved and practical. In an instant a valet and tailor appeared, ready to assist Varien with his choice of garments. They wheeled in an ornate three-panel dressing mirror and set a stool before it. Varien relinquished his armour, which was taken away to be cleaned and polished. Siegfried selected a dark brown button-up shirt with matching trousers. “I don’t suppose one can pair a cravat with a scarf?” he asked. Cauldar shook his head. “Decidedly not this season, as the fashion houses have ruled that look out. One or the other, as it were. Your scarf is a signature bit of flair, yes.” Varien began flipping through one of the tomes that Siegfried had pulled out for him, Rudiments of the Shadow Weave , while Siegfried and his major-domo argued the finer points of tailoring as it applied to magical chainmail shirts. The book was a collection of a number of prose essays extolling the greatness of Shar, the goddess of darkness, with instructions on how to tap into the dark powers of the shadow weave. It also included the complete formulae for a number of shadow counterparts to common magical spells. Scribbles, notes, doodles and other marginalia, written by a younger Siegfried, filled the edges of the pages, often concerned with casting hexes. Varien began to speak the verbal components of one of the shadow spells in Abyssal, and Siegfried swiftly slammed the book closed on the paladin’s fingers. “That’s quite enough of that, Varien. Darkness is for me, not for you.” Varien winced and gave his fingers a quick shake, blowing on them. Siegfried turned to his major-domo. “Cauldar, have we received any post? My colleague Bob was expecting a delivery.” Cauldar cleared his throat. “Why yes, in fact some did come in. You’ll find a strongbox in the usual place.” “Excellent,” Siegfried said, heading off downstairs in search of said strongbox. He made his way to Cauldar’s office, the administrative and organizational hub of Sweetsong House, where the major-domo would prepare paperwork for Millio to sign, arrange receipt of deliveries, and deal with human resources issues that cropped up among the house staff. There on Cauldar’s massive mahogany desk sat a strongbox emblazoned with the sigil of Wolfram & Hart. He opened the box and took in the sight of carefully stacked coins, the famous gold dragons of Waterdeep, fitted into a series of velvet channels that prevented them from falling over. There was a cream-coloured packet of papers carefully tucked into the lid’s upper section secured by a strap of velvet. Siegfried withdrew the papers, scanning the Wolfram & Hart letterhead, and saw the requisite blank space in the middle of the page, where, with the right pair of magical spectacles, one could peruse an invoice showing the items and their conversion to fungible currency, less, of course, the lawyers’ percentage. Wolfram had added a visible handrwritten note to the bottom of the receipt in a disconcerting calligraphic flair reminiscent of infernal typography. “With our compliments and always a pleasure, Alphanse.” “They do good work,” Siegfried said. Siegfried closed up the strongbox and carried it upstairs to his bedroom, where the tailor was putting the finishing touches on Varien’s fitting. “Is the Lady Hawkwinter already attending tonight’s event, or should we offer an invitation?” Siegfried asked his major-domo as he placed the box of coins on his writing desk for Varien’s inspection. “Given the tenuous state of affairs between our two houses, it might be wise for you to extend the invitation so that she knows that you know that this is the type of social event that you and she should be seen at together,” Cauldar said. “Can we just give her Erwen’s ticket then?” Siegfried said. “I don’t think Erwen would want to sit through an opera.” “Oh, is that your small friend?” Cauldar asked. “That’s very presumptuous, Cauldar!” Siegfried said. “Sorry, young Master,” Cauldar said apologetically. “However, I do happen to work for a small man, and-” “No, no, it was presumptuous to declare Erwen a friend of mine,” Siegfried said. “He’s a right arsehole, but he’s less dangerous when he’s under our direct supervision.” “Well, I was going to say that I wasn’t sure if the bathing facilities at Sweetsong House would be able to get him up to the Lightsinger Theatre’s standards, but you didn’t hear that from me,” Cauldar said. “The Temple of Beauty is trying their best,” Siegfried said. “Well,” Cauldar replied, “If anyone can succeed in turning that sow’s ear into a silk purse, it is the Sunite bathing brigade at the Temple of Beauty. As it is, he is welcome to stay with us under my supervision, or be free to prowl the alleys of the city as he is wont to do.” Siegfried nodded and turned to Varien. “Well, since we are now increasingly flush with cash, perhaps I should introduce you to my favourite magic shop, Thort’s Findings. It’s no more than a block or two away from here, and well worth the trip. I’m friends with the proprietor, you know.” Varien nodded. Siegfried caught a knowing look from Cauldar. “Well, we’re friends because I give him money in exchange for goods and services, and the occasional ripping yarn or secret. It’s sort of his stock in trade.” Cauldar nodded. “Thort loves a good story connected to the discovery of any sort of artifact. He’s quite knowledgeable.” “Yes, I should start asking him about referral percentages,” Siegfried mused. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Young Master!” Cauldar chuckled.   The curiosity shop known as Thort’s Findings was located in the centre of the block bounded by Hassantyr's Street, Tarsar's Street, Whaelgond Way, and Ussilbran Street, amid a stand of tall trees that fenced in the disembodied head of one of the famous Walking Statues of Waterdeep, the Swordmaiden. The centre of its jaw and mouth had been replaced by a door, giving the female statue’s face a bucktoothed appearance. The door led into the cramped, multileveled shop proper. “Mr. Thort!” Siegfried called out as he entered, the bell over the door ringing smartly. “We have items to sell, items to purchase, and items to talk about!” The wizened ex-adventurer who ran the shop hobbled around the front counter, leaning on his cane as he regarded Siegfried and Varien. “Ah, Siegfried, my boy! You’ve brought another potential customer with you this visit!” “Thort, this is my friend Varien Aether, Blessed Calamity of Sune, hoping to find armaments and tools in his blessed quest against all that is evil in the world,” Siegfried said by way of introduction. “That’s quite a mouthful, but of course welcome to my humble shop!” Thort said, bowing shakily. Varien looked around at the shop’s shelves, which were crammed tightly with items, trinkets, artifacts, and curiosities, each one of them with a tiny identification card in flowing script. Behind the crowded cashier’s desk at the front of the store with its shining brass clockwork cash register stood an imposing animated suit of armour, above which was a hand-lettered sign that read NO CREDIT. Thort sized Varien up and down. “When young Siegfried was here last, he was telling me all about the exploits of you and your companions, who I understand are becoming quite the delvers, and quite the thing about town.” “I suppose that’s true!” Varien replied. “Oh, are there rumours afoot?” Siegfried asked. “What’s being whispered about us, Thort?” “Oh, only the rumours that you yourself have planted in the populace, I’m sure,” Thort said diplomatically. “Through your exploits, that is.” Siegfried approached the front counter and pulled out the staff of soul binding , the axe of the bloodsworn, and the ghost cutlass of the captains. “Careful now, that cutlass is cursed,” He said as Thort’s eyes widened at the treasures arrayed before him. “If you attune to it, your soul goes into the cutlass when you die. There are a few poor souls occupying rooms in the cutlass now who would like to be freed if it’s at all possible.” Thort pulled out a pair of lily-white gloves and slipped them on, then grabbed a soft cloth and carefully wrapped it around the hilt of the cutlass. “And you’ll recall there was a bit of investigation I asked you to look into, and of course the properties of that strange orc mask.” Thort was gingerly picking up the cutlass. “I’ve heard of this. How did it come to be in your possession?” “The same way it comes to anyone’s possession, except maybe yours,” Siegfried said. “You might not be able to pay the iron price, but you can certainly pay the golden price.” “Tut tut, young Master Thann!” Thort straightened up with a noticeable popping sound coming from his joints. “There was a time when no iron price was too high for Undevvur Thort!” “Of course, of course,” Siegfried said placatingly. “I merely point out that you are in a position to acquire things at less of a personal risk these days.” That seemed to placate Thort. He chuckled. “You have such a way with words, Young Master Thann.” He looked at the jewel-encrusted handle. “I don’t suppose you’re currently affected by the curse of this weapon, are you?” “I was, for a moment, but my friend Varien here broke the curse,” Siegfried said. “He is quite adept at breaking attunement-based curses.” “Of course he is, just look at him!” Thort said, waving at Varien. “Well yes, I hear that the faces you see in the blade when it is extruded from the hilt are in fact those of the poor souls entrapped in the decrepit metal of the hilt. I’m sure they told you as much.” “Yes, they were very eager for me to not become one of their roommates,” Siegfried said. “In fact, the man I killed to take this weapon now resides inside it.” “Is he now?” Thort said with a chuckle. “You can ask him all about it if you’re so inclined,” Siegfried said. He leaned in close to the cutlass hilt. “Bitch,” he whispered to Captain Mange.
“If the curse can be lifted, great, I’m sure these gentlemen would love to make their way down to the various hells they belong to, but..” Siegfried said to Thort. “Well,” Thort said, “I could tell you how to break the curse, but not without an exchange of that sweet, sweet golden price you were talking about earlier,” Thort said, stroking his tangled beard. A few loose rings and coins fell out of the thatch of hair to rattle on the countertop. “Fascinating though this artifact is.” Varien, who had been perusing the nearest overloaded shelf, frowned at this. He turned. “You’re wanting to hold souls forfeit for gold?” “Well, what currency would you suggest, Mr. Aether?” Thort asked. Varien took a step towards Thort. “I don’t know, how about a moral code? How about a ticket to heaven instead of hell?” At Varien’s advance, the animated suit of armour stepped forward with a clank, matching him step for step. “Not yet, Varien,” Siegfried hissed. “Easy now, Derek,” Thort hissed to his armour. Siegfried cleared his throat. “Now Varien, it’s bad manners to start a fight inside a magic shop. You wouldn’t be the first, and you wouldn’t be the last.” “I’m not starting a fight,” Varien said coldly. “I’m asking a man a question, and I think it’s pretty reasonable.” “This man is entitled to be corrupt and greedy,” Siegfried said, winking at Thort. “It’s his magic shop.” “Corrupt? Greedy?” Thort huffed theatrically. “By his standards, not mine,” Siegfried said, hooking at thumb at Varien. “How much gold does it cost to save these souls?” Varien asked. “Well you see, that is the point of this very device!” Thort said, gesturing at the cutlass. “To free the souls is to destroy the device?” Siegfried asked. Thort shook his head. “Oh, no, no no. This is actually a rather wicked creation by servants of Umberlee the Bitch Queen of the Sea. And if it’s one thing that Umberlee knows, it’s that pirates are, shall we say, by your standards and even by my standards, are often greedy, lustful sorts. And this weapon plays upon those lustful, avaricious leanings. The story of this Ghost Cutlass has been written many times, and the point is, to break this curse would require the gathering up the greatest treasures each Captain had in life, or perhaps its equivalent value, and depositing it in Umberlee’s Cache in Waterdeep’s harbour on or before the last day of Fleetswake.” “Wow,” Siegfried said. “So, you can see the idea of breaking the curse requires not effort but an outlay of coin. The irony of course would not be lost on the poor unfortunate souls trapped in this weapon’s enchantment. This is quite a find, quite a find indeed,” Thort said. “So Varien, there’s no way we can accumulate the treasure of five trapped pirate captains just for the privilege of sending them to hell,” Siegfried said to his companion. “How much gold can a pirate captain be worth?” Varien asked. “Yes,” Siegfried answered. Thort chortled with mirth. “Like, as a ballpark figure?” Varien pressed. “Well, you would have to ask each of the trapped Captains what they felt their greatest treasures were worth,” Thort said. “Perhaps some of them were helpless romantics at heart.” “Well, Mange certainly was,” Siegfried said. “Remember his shrine to his lost love Eva?” Siegfried was speaking about the large room aboard the St. Asmod’s Hope dedicated to the woman who Captain Mange had been obsessed with, a human woman to the point of keeping her corpse in a gentle repose while he sought any method short of striking bargains with fiends and hags to see her brought back to life. The chamber was full of flickering candles surrounding an ornate sealed sarcophagus. On the bulkhead above was a massive oil painting in a gilt frame depicting Captain Mange in a lover’s embrace with a scantily-clad woman. Siegfried had cursorily read Mange’s many love letters to Eva, some of which included absolutely horrendous erotic poetry, and it was clear to him that the relationship had been toxic and one-sided, more of an imprisonment than a proper relationship, and by reading between the lines it was apparent that Eva’s soul had no intentions of returning to her body now that she had escaped Mange, even at the cost of her mortal life. “Yes, we handed her over to the priest of Lathander to give her a proper burial, after we hallowed and then burned Markosian’s body,” Varien said. “Yes, Captain Mange was exploring options to bring her back,” Siegfried said. “Including researching Netherese artifacts that might restore even memories to life.” He thought for a moment. “Isn’t there a Netherese crypt beneath Old Owl Well? I was reading through Radegast’s notes.” He shrugged. “Back to the matter at hand. Obviously we can’t afford to post these pirate captains’ bail, which is fine, we’d probably piss off Umberlee in the attempt, so we’ll let the weapon’s next owner deal with that sticky wicket. We’re looking to sell this cutlass, the bloodsworn axe, and this staff of soul binding .” Thort’s gloved hands played over the other two items, lingering on the malevolent staff. “This is a nasty piece of business, Master Thann.” “We kill nasty things,” Siegfried explained. “Like this, for instance. Have you any use for balor ichor?” He placed a vial on the countertop. Thort’s eyebrows threatened to detach from his forehead. “Demon ichor? You didn’t get any of that on you, did you, Master Thann?” “I cleaned up,” Siegfried said. “We were in melee range not two hours ago.” “Fascinating,” Thort said. “That’s extremely nasty stuff. Nasty indeed. But I was wondering if you were going to divest yourself of those orcish implements you showed off last time.” “Well, I came across a weapon that’s not only dangerous on this plane, but on the Ethereal Plane as well,” Siegfried said, brandishing his ethereal elfbane cutlass with an easy flourish. Thort clapped politely. “In fact, I would also be interested in a pair of spectacles that would allow me to peer into the Ethereal Plane so that I could see what I was stabbing,” Siegfried said. Thort smiled. “Wouldn’t we all, Siegfried? Who among us wouldn’t love such an item, no matter how difficult it was to come by?”   “Now, there’s another question I have for you,” Siegfried said. “What about transferring enchantments from one item to another?” “You always ask the most interesting questions, Young Master Thann,” Thort said. Varien went back to perusing the shop’s wares. The store was full of oddments, likely sold by adventurers who had dug deep into Undermountain or some other hidden delve, each one with its own explanatory placard. Any number of items threatened to catch the paladin’s eye. As he shouldered through the alcoves, he took note of a bottle of sovereign glue plastered in warnings, a potion of invisibility , a box of dust of dryness , a potion of water breathing , and a potion of heroism . “That sovereign glue might be helpful for that flask you have,” Siegfried called to Varien. Thort had put a loupe into his right eye and was investigating the items. “Now here are some things indeed. You know, I might be willing to offer trade-in value for some of these artifacts, or, if you prefer for a small fee I could find a buyer for one or two of these items.” Siegfried knew that Thort’s pockets were not bottomless. The proprietor could probably afford to buy one of the items outright, but the way he was caressing the staff of soul binding suggested that this item was out of most people’s price range. “What does that staff of soul binding do again?” Varien asked, a cold feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. “Should we maybe not be selling it into the wrong hands?” Thort pressed a hand to his sunken chest. “Why, Varien, one of my points of pride is that I am able to find exactly the right hands in which to place this item. I have no doubt in my ability to find this item a forever home that would meet your very high standards as a champion of Sune, as the Chosen of Lady Firehair.” Varien was skeptical. He figured every man had his price, and Thort’s price was higher than most, but at the end of the day he was but a businessman. He felt that the monetary value of the item would outweigh any damage that might be done with it. “Now, hold on a minute, Siegfried,” Varien said, returning to the front counter and picking up the staff. “We should take care not to let this fall into the wrong hands.” “And what are you going to do with it?” Siegfried asked Varien. “Make sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands!” Varien replied. “That’s rude,” Siegfried said. Thort began to sweat as he licked his lips, staring longingly at the weapon. “You are a man of scruples, Varien, a true paragon…” “Look, you’re going to make this man cry,” Siegfried said. Thort waved a hand dismissively, his voice cracking. “No, pay me no mind, don’t worry about me, whether or not that would have been worth a king’s ransom or not, that remains to be seen, but consider for a moment the good you could do with a large amount of coin generated from the sale of this curiosity, hmmm? It would take me no more than a few days to locate a buyer.” “Why do you suddenly want this staff?” Siegfried asked Varien. “I don’t Siegfried, but I also don’t want anyone else to have it,” Varien said as he began to attune to the staff. “Well then, let’s look at these other items,” Thort said, wiping a tear from his eye. Varien went back to browsing and found a shield emblazoned with a symbol of an eye. The placard next to it said Sentinel Shield: It keeps an eye out for you. “What does this do?” Varien asked Thort. Thort rubbed his hands together. “Ah yes, quite an interesting item, that one – it fell into my possession just a few weeks ago, dug out of a rather deep delve indeed. As to what it does, that’s a very interesting question, but to cut to the chase, it opens the doors to your perception. You’ll have a heightened sense of your surroundings, I’ll say. Followers of Helm do tend to seek these items out – it’s rare that I keep one in stock long after placing it on display.” “And how much will it set me back?” Varien asked. “Ah! To business!” Thort said. “Now, we begin the delicate dance of dealing.” Varien rolled his eyes. “I certainly couldn’t go lower than 600 gold pieces,” Thort said, “but can you really put a price on being aware of danger before the danger is aware of you? Now, do you have your eye on something else, perhaps?” “Thort,” Siegfried said curtly, the temperature in the store suddenly dropping ten degrees. “You will treat my friend fairly.” Derek the suit of armour took an involuntary step back. The entire store shivered. Thort smiled. “You wound me, sir! I was merely going to offer the possibility of a multi-item discount, Master Thann!” Siegfried smiled suddenly. “Any friend of Young Master Thann is a friend of Thort, and hopefully a repeat customer as well,” Thort said. “Speaking of multiple items, do you happen to have a bag of holding in stock?” “I might, and I might consider the shield and the bag an even trade for the axe of the bloodsworn ,” Thort said. Siegfried’s smiled wavered. “Are you sure about that price point, Thort?” “Well, the curse does bring down the value somewhat, Siegfried,” Thort said. “But if you’d prefer cash in hand as opposed to a trade, I am amenable to that. If you are interested, I could track a buyer for the axe of the bloodsworn . That may take a couple of days, as I would have to put out some feelers, and if I may be so bold, would you like me to restrict my search to buyers who would pass your friend’s muster?” He glanced at Varien. “I think that Bloodsworn Axe is less dangerous than that staff, so I have no qualms,” Siegfried said. “Then you’ve just saved yourself a premium, my boy!” Thort said jovially. “I mean, it’s no iron flask ,” Siegfried said. Varien watched a vein in Thort’s neck twitch subtly at that. “No, it’s not,” Thort said quietly. “Do you know how one would destroy an iron flask ?” Varien asked. “That’s the wrong question, Varien,” Siegfried said. “You want to know how to open it in a safe and secure environment.” “My, you have been getting up to some shenanigans, haven’t you?” Thort said. “You’ll read about it in the papers, I’m sure,” Siegfried said. “I do keep a close eye on all the broadsheets for certain,” Thort said. “Especially the classified ads.” “Well as long as you don’t read about me in the obituaries,” Siegfried said. “I do keep careful notes about estate sales. You’d be surprised what treasures are stashed away in widow’s closets. And not even magical items!” Thort pointed around his shop. “Why, even the most mundane item is worth a second look if it has an interesting-enough story. But an iron flask? Well, that is something.” Siegfried purchased the bag of holding and Varien bought the sentinel shield. “You know, you could solve that problem with your iron flask with the sovereign glue ,” Siegfried said. “Really?” Varien said. “Sounds good!” He picked up the bottle and returned to the counter, counting out the necessary coins. “You’ve taken a clean thousand from me today, Thort.” “It couldn’t happen to a nicer customer,” Thort said graciously. “Now, be very careful with that. This bottle’s insides have been treated with an oil of slipperiness to allow the glue itself to be poured out, so take care not to venture into an environment that would negate the properties of said oil.” “Understood,” Varien said with a nod. “Don’t let anyone dispel magic on it,” Siegfried said. “Remember, it takes one minute for this glue to set,” Thort explained. “After which, it can only be dissolved by the application of universal solvent , oil of etherealness , or, if one is truly desperate, a wish spell.” “Right,” Varien said. He pulled out his iron flask and placed it on the counter. Thort gasped. “Put something underneath it,” Siegfried said. Thort grabbed a sheaf of Waterdeep Wazoos and layered them on his countertop, placing the iron flask gingerly atop it. Varien unscrewed the bottle of sovereign glue and withdrew the wand-like glass applicator. He began to paint the seams of the flask’s stopper. “Fascinating,” Thort said as he watched Varien dab at the flask. “Don’t distract me,” Varien said, as he slopped some glue down the length of the flask. Thort tsked at Varien’s handiwork. Varien closed the bottle of glue and watched it set. “So, an iron flask?” Thort said. “I don’t suppose you’d like to tell me the story about that?” “Well, the man we defeated and took the cutlass from killed a village to get it, and was planning on bringing it to Waterdeep, where he was going to open it and wreak untold havoc. This course of events would lead to a devil-worshipping gaining control of Waterdeep. However, they are both dead, and the lucky one is in hell.” “Fascinating,” Thort said. “Now, I saw you eyeing that cutlass, Thort,” Siegfried said. “You want it, don’t you?” “Well, you haven’t shopped this piece around to anyone else, have you?” Thort asked. Siegfried’s face was impassive. “You were always difficult to read, Master Thann,” Thort said. “Since you brought it to me first, I won’t go a copper higher than 7,500 dragons.” “Then you have yourself a cutlass!” Siegfried said, placing it back on the counter. “Indeed I do!” Thort said with a smile that threatened to split his cheeks as he stroked the cutlass hilt lasciviously. “Calm down,” Siegfried said. “This is a place of business after all.” “Derek, pay the man!” The animated armour pulled off his gauntlet and poured gold coins out of his innards into Siegfried’s new bag of holding . “So, what do you have in terms of arcane artillery?” Siegfried said. “Pie in the sky, what’s the finest weapon in Waterdeep?” “Oh my,” Thort said. “You’re putting me through my paces today, Young Master. In terms of pedigree, you’ve probably heard of Azuredge .” “Say more right now,” Siegfried said intently. “Well, that item isn’t one that appears through commercial channels, but if you’re looking for the sine qua non of artifacts, you can’t do much better than that one, considering it was forged by none other than Ahghairon and is charged with the task of defending Waterdeep,” Thort said. “Waterdeep’s greatest protector,” Siegfried said. “I feel like I could grow into that title.” “Well that’s beyond my pay grade as a seller and lorekeeper,” Thort said. “But it’s always on the front cover of Axes to Watch Out For , as a rule.” “I am always in the market for a good axe,” Siegfried said. “Yes, you gave me an axe the last time you were in the shop,” Thort said. “Were you aware that it was one of a pair?” “Yes, I believe I told you that myself,” Siegfried said. Thort snapped his arthritic fingers. “Why yes you did! I use that line on all my customers. However, my sources tell me that there’s a place in Neverwinter Wood where that axe’s twin may be found, where when trees fall there is no sound.” “Sounds delightfully inscrutable,” Siegfried said. “There’s one final bit of business, I think,” Varien said. He hefted the staff of soul binding and mentally released the souls trapped inside. “Where light and darkness meet, ground can break! ” He slammed the staff down on the floorboards. There was a moaning sound as the trapped souls fled their prison, and the staff crumbled to dust. Siegfried sighed. Thort watched his payday crumble to dust. “You hate to see it,” he murmured. “Derek, fetch the dustpan,” he said. The armour suit turned with a creak and headed towards the janitor’s closet.