The ceremony
hall of the Training Academy is filled with hundreds of men and woman, some of
them wearing the badges of active Department Agents, many more wearing the
uniforms of trainees. Near the front of the crowd, several dozen trainees stand
at attention, their dress uniforms shining almost as brightly as their hopes
for their future careers. A loud voice calls out for attention, and the murmuring
crowd goes silent. “All rise
for Director Quago!” An older
goblin man walks across the stage. His suit is somewhat rumpled and his white
wig slightly frayed, but every eye in the hall gives the man their full
attention and respect. As he stands at the podium, he looks over the crowd with
a dour frown creased deeply from years of responsibility. He harumphs loudly,
adjusts his monocle, and addresses the gathering. “I’m not
going to waste my time with long-winded speeches and congratulations. I’ve far too
much to do and far too few hours to do it all in. So, let me keep this brief by
reminding you all why you are here. This is a story all of you should be
familiar with but it bears repeating. Five years
ago, our good king Thourun left the capital and visited Laufgraenn so he could
personally inspect the farmlands suffering from blight. This was not a surprise
visit; it was planned weeks in advance. All our agents were fully briefed. While
the king was staying overnight in Laufgraenn, a druid who took it upon himself
to try and solve the blight cast growth spells on the local flora. What’s the
problem with that, you might be thinking to yourselves?” Director Quago
slaps his hand down on the podium with a resounding crack. “The problem was, he wasn’t
authorized to do so! He didn’t notify anyone in the Federal Druidic Association
of his plans, he didn’t seek a permit to cast plant growth rituals over a wide
area, and he didn’t ask the town council for permission! And what’s worse,
truly and terribly worse, is two Department agents knew what he was doing. They knew
and notified no one, because they didn’t see the harm in it.” The director sweeps the hall with a fiery
gaze, meeting the eyes of each graduating trainee. “Well, I think you all know
exactly what harm there was in it. When King Thourun walked out of his room that
morning and stepped on those five-foot long bananas that weren’t there the
night before, not only did it cost him his life, but the ensuing pratfall
destroyed twelve houses, four restaurants, and half the city hall. Eighty
citizens dead, our king dead, all because a druid didn’t apply for a permit and
two of our agents didn’t see the harm.” Agents throughout the hall reflexively
salute the fallen monarch while director Quago wipes a single tear from his eye
and adjusts his monocle. After his own salute and bow of the head, he resumes. “Now, here we are, with a fresh batch
of newly trained agents ready to join the ranks. But let me make this clear:
you are not here to be heroes. You are not here to ‘do the right thing’ or ‘follow
the spirit of the law’ or any other such paladin-esque interpretation of law
enforcement. You are here to Enforce. The. Bureaucracy. We have licenses and
permits for a reason, and unless you want to see the words ‘accidental regicide’
on your annual review, you’ll do things by the book!” With a final wave of his gnarled
green hand, Quago motions for the graduates to step forward. “By accepting the badge I am going to
be giving each of you, you will be in turn accepting the massive responsibility
of keeping our kingdom safe. Never forget it! Now, I’ll be calling your names
alphabetically. And, welcome to the Department of Dungeons and Dragons.” Greetings! I and several other DMs
are starting a West March campaign and would like to invite you to it! Here are
the details: Who are we? We are a small group of friends, some
old, some new, who gather on a Discord server we call Dungeons & Diners
& Dragons & Drive-ins & Dives. As you can imagine from the name, we
primarily use it for D&D and other tabletop RPG systems. We have several
different games currently going on and have many more past games under the
belt. What is a West March? If you aren’t familiar, a West March
is a style of D&D game where there are no set dates and times for sessions,
nor a set roster of characters. The various DMs of the campaign will post when
they are running a session and players sign up if they are available. This does
mean that you are not guaranteed a spot in every session since (hopefully) many
players will be joining the game and we want everyone to get a chance to play. What is the setting? The setting of the campaign is, as
you can hopefully tell from the flavor text above, a decidedly silly homebrew world.
The Kingdom of Tharingia has need of law enforcement agents which will be the
role the characters fill. Think of it like the FBI but with swords and spells. Much of the content is intended to be humorous and plot elements will be light-hearted and fun. If you need a movie to compare to, Police Academy is a good example. What are the rules? We have a handout in the game going into
the details, but the short of it is we will be using all 5e published source
materials, no homebrew materials, and generally following the rules as written.
Player stats will be generated from a standard point buy system and leveling is
being done by a modified milestone system. Are new players welcome? Absolutely! We are happy to teach and
are very newb friendly. Even if you aren’t sure how regularly you can play,
this is the campaign for you since each session will essentially be its own little
story and you will not need to have detailed knowledge of previous sessions to
participate. Where do you sign up?
If you are interested in joining, or
want to ask some questions first, just post a reply down below. I’ll send you a
private message as quickly as I can with further details.
