ChuffyxAmeiko, sometime after the Magnimar trip?

Chuffy approaches Ameiko in the kitchen of the Rusty Dragon. "Good evening, Ameiko. I am Chuffy, a knight of Queen Grosilge. I know you've elped her in the past, and remain an advisor and friend to her. For that, I am infinitely grateful." Chuffy bows at the waist, his upper body perfectly parallel with the floor before straightening up once more. "I have a question to ask. My queen desires fire that does not destroy. I know you and Miro use such things in your cooking. It was my wish you could assist me and teach me in the use of such alchemy." He lowers his head, staring at his hands clasped in front of him.

Ameiko seems a little confused. "'Fire that does not destroy'? You mean spices?", she wipes her hands on a towel." Are you asking about spicy food?"

Chuffy nods excitedly, and takes out a small pad of paper and a stick of charcoal. "Yes! Spices! How they burn, and yet people come back for more! How do you do it? How do you use them?" He waits expectantly, charcoal hovering over the paper, his large eyes boring into her.

Ameiko smirks, thinking she can whip up a bit of mischief. With all of the added responsibility added to her plate due to the "Latest Unpleasantness", she began to feel weighed down, stressed, and, at time, morose. She was frowning as much as Hemlock. "Well, it depends on the peppers," she begins to explain as she walks around the kitchen. She attempts to keep her mood light, her tone instructional, her body language relaxed as she walks around the kitchen getting small bowls for tasting and prepping then spices from her pantry. She tries not to smirk at the all too serious alchemist. Finally she arranges 10 small bowls with different mixes on the counter. "On this end," she instructs, "are peppers that are not hot all. They are actually sweet in some cases and on this side, " she sweeps her arm to the right, "are the hottest spices in the world. One bite," she clenches her fist suddenly in front of Chuffy "and your whole mouth feels like molten glass. Too much..." she looks grave and drops her voice an octave, "And you could die..."

Chuffy's eyes widen considerably. "They're lethal? And you serve it to people in food? Wow..." Chuffy glances over Ameiko, a new appreciation for her badassitude washing over his face. "So how do you use them? What's a lethal dose? Does it only work if they ingest it or..." He leans over, sniffing at the final bowl. 

Ameiko crosses her arms and begins to speak except seeing Chuffy's nose get close to the bowl. "Chuffy, no!"

Chuffy recoils and sneezes violently. "A-ha! It's not just ingestion!" He grins proudly. "So what would have happened if I had inhaled? Would my face have melted off? Would my nose have caught fire?" He seems more excited at the prospect of being on fire than scared at the potential fiery death. The goblin scribbles down some notes using the pictographic language Grosilge and the twins have been teaching him.

"It certainly would have felt like your face was melting. You may not have even been able to breathe," she says, instinctively moving the bowl back from Chuffy lest he try again to inhale. "Here, let's start tasting." Ameiko opens the back door and all the window, she pins her nose closed with a clothes' pin and pulls a bright red jar from the cupboard. She sets it down in front of Chuffy. "Goblin pickles," she says as she drills a corkscrew into the wax seal. "You can put the spices on some goblin pickles and try the flavor. I wouldn't give your Queen anything too spicy though. She might go into labor from the shock," Ameiko says with a wink. She grunts and pull up the wax sealed and the cork underneath. The jar opening is just wide enough for a goblin hand. Inside are the remains of multiple animals - fish, sheep, cow, and a few whole rats and mice.

Chuffy stuffs a hand into the jar, grasping for a goblin pickle. Upon pulling one out, he stares at the bowl of spices. "Are you saying... If I eat those, either my face will melt off or I'll give birth? Are you sure these are for eating?" He squints at her slightly, trying to see if she's fucking with him.

Ameiko laughs then covers her mouth as she coughs, a bit of the goblin pickle scent wafting into her mouth. "You'll be fine if you start from not hot and move up to hot," her muffled voice relays between fingers.  "Just stop when it's too hot and hurry up! Those pickles stink bad enough to tarnish my pots!" She instantly regretted not putting him outside to eat.

Chuffy closes the jar and grabs a fistful of the spices in the first bowl. "So I just... put them on it? And hey, you're sure I won't be pregnant? My queen is plenty big enough for the both of us." He dumps the spices on top of the pickle then takes a bite.

Ameiko doesn't dignify Chuffy's fear with a response. She props her chin on her hands and watching the food disappear into Chuffy's many sharply toothed mouth. "So, it's very weak right? I use that a lot just for soups and sauces. Do goblins even season their food normally or is it all just over the teeth and down the throat?"

Chuffy nods. "Ja, it's very weak. Like, on a scale from 1 to face melting, it's about a banana. Sometimes we season food. I think anyway. What is seasoning again? It's when you leave the food in a barrel from Spring to summer right? Seasons change? Ja?" He takes out another goblin pickle, closing the jar quickly so as not to offend Ameiko's delicate nose. "Next one? We don't have to wait right? Or have these already been seasoned?"

"Pickling is what you goblins do with those," she points to the jar. "But yes, next one. Keep going until you can't go any longer! I'm actually curious to see how much you xiaokappa  can take."

Chuffy sets about seasoning the pickle, and eating, then repeating the process as he goes down the line. He becomes more and more wary of the spices as he keeps going, but manages to make it through all of those presented to him without screaming or dying or giving birth or having his face melt off or, really, anything like Ameiko was describing. He frowns a bit, looking up at Ameiko. "I seem to be... resilient? Or maybe goblins mouths are just less receptive to your spices?" He shakes his head slightly, looking a little disappointed he didn't actually catch fire.

Ameiko watches him eat, some of the various scraps of meat causing her to look away for moment to avoid her disgusted feeling. When Chuffy fails to even break a sweat from the spice she sighs, coughing the pungent odor of the pickles out of her lungs after she does. "Well, your people eat somethings that could kill most other creatures..." She begins put the spices away. "Why the sudden interest in cooking again?"

Chuffy licks off his fingers and pats his now rather full belly. "My queen wanted fire that does not burn. I gave her alchemical lights, ones that shine like lanterns but without the flame. I was hoping maybe I could engage another set of senses with these spices." He shrugs. "Maybe not? Or maybe together we can figure out some special goblin spices that will be strong enough or strong in the right way for our..." Chuffy looks around a bit until his eyes fall on the jar of goblin pickles. He gestures to it. "For our specific palate. Is this good?"

Ameiko nods and puts the cork back on the jar of pickles. "It's winter now but come summer we may be able to ask some farmers to being breeding 'goblin peppers'. Something "face-melting" hot?' She smiles. "Before then, I'll begin whipping up various dishes for the gobs. My guards, Kaiser and Helga, will be my taste testers." She  swished the jar and handed it to Chuffy. "For your queen."

Chuffy bows to Ameiko, taking the jar of pickles as he stands up straight again. "Thank you again, Ameiko. Please, contact me if you believe you've come up with something promising. I would love to learn of this particular alchemy from you," he says as he gestures vaguely around the kitchen, "however, I am a rather busy goblin. I am not sure when I will be able to fit it in. There just aren't enough hours in the day." He sighs, then nods to her. "Anyway, thank you, I am sure I will be back again soon for some reason or another. Perhaps to pick up a meal for my queen. Have a nice day Ameiko Kaijutsu." Exit Chuffy, Stage Left?