Dear Mr. DM

I wrote these about a year and a half ago. They were fun and humorous and made everyone laugh. I thought it would be fun to make it a thread and have others post their own. NOTE: Please be civil and use tact when writing. Keep it light and humorous. This is not meant to be a place to point fingers at DMs for encounter build mistakes, character deaths, etc. Dear Mr. DM It has come to my attention that the multiplier has been forgotten when considering our adventure encounters. This has led to the death of many characters. Please reconsider including your dementia when you choose to DM. sincerely, your favorite player Dear Mr. DM Lately the goblins have been too smart. Please roleplay their intelligence appropriately, or provide more treasure, as smart goblins would obviously have more treasure. sincerely, your favorite player Dear Mr. DM You left my token behind when moving tokens into the secret chamber. Failing my roll shouldn't have anything to do with this. This is operator error. Please rectify the situation as I am tired of random encounters with mimics. sincerely, your favorite player Dear Mr. DM The pirate fighter is very annoying. He never listens to me and walks right into traps. He also is very crude and offends my paladin manner. Please grant me permission to smite him at your earliest convenience. sincerely, your favorite player

I remember these! These always crack me up. I hope people come up with some more of these. lol

Dear Mr. DM, Apparently Roll20 has assigned my character the "inoperable sheet" flaw. I have searched the players handbook and other sources, but am unable to find details on this flaw. I was curious as to whether there was a spell such as character sheet restoration that I could cast to fix this. Otherwise, I may resort to creating another character since this flaw makes it unplayable. I have another character concept that I would be very much interested in playing... at least until it is vexed with the curse of character sheet updates.