I have players disappear (this is a totally different thread) An open letter to the non-commital

Dude, I am your conscience. You know you are supposed to be at this game, online, right? Except the girlfriend needs some attention. Heh. Nah, man, say it! HEH! And those guys will forgive you because "they know how it is." "It's all about being a manly man, and not rolling some virtual dice and talking to some guys for a few hours", when you could be taking off to hang with the lady, and conquering the real wench in your life, right? Well, they dealt with it a few times, but it's just this regular THING now. With her. So instead of signing out of the game, that might look too much like commitment to Her, right, you don't want to commit, you want to keep your options open. Especially since She might not be available, and then you'd be BORED to death, so just keep those guys online, waiting for you. Like you sometimes do to her, when you are mad, because she told you not to game and you said, (secretly or openly) no I'm doing it, I can replace you. I'm a cowboy, I'm free, like John Wayne. Don't fence me in, baby. Yeah those guys are tough cowboys, too. They can wait on me, you think. Cause I'm part of the group, the team. Except: You haven't been there for three weeks. And didn't call anyone. Nobody called you either, so screw them. Maybe you think secretly or openly think "I must not be valuable or they'd check up on Me. They don't care, neither do I." But if they DID check up on you, email you, asking what's up, you'd hate that. too much like Mommy. So those guys will wait for you about a half hour, and not bug you about it. It's like rain on a hill. Over time, it erodes the foundation. It changes things. What seemed solid is now muddy and unclear. It makes it tougher to design a scenario for some games not so much, some games, that much more. But it's a week later, yeah this time, you were sick. you wife or girlfriend was sick, your cat was sick, the car is broken down. That's all UNDERSTANDABLE. but Send the notice, send the message. If the Group does not know what to expect form you, your rep slides down until word gets around. You are the dog of non-committal gamers who sign up for a game and then ghost because you don't want to face the fact that you disappointed someone or a group. You don't say goodbye, you don't leave a message, you don't need to, because so what? you'll never meet people in real life from here, and you can't or don't want to face those tough feelings that you maybe in a slight way, did not hold up to your end. Even though you sort of said yeah, I'll be there. All this commitment jazz, man it's a trap. Don't fence me in. I want to be free to pick and choose as I like. To join and leave, come and go as I please. Jobs, games, relationships. The Manly Cowboy. But wow, there's the trend, so many players, not enough GMs. Nobody wants to GM, it's too much work. They bitch and moan abnout finding good players. I WON'T Be all bitchy like that. I want to play. Hell maybe one day I'll GM or my best buddy will. We'll find players that want a regular game and ... hm. One day I'll be a GM and man, won't that be cool, people showing up regularly. There's a thought there... What? Oh, Yeah, no I'm not busy. Pizza sounds cool, yeah, Be right over. Thanks to MetroKnight for the idea. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Oh the prose is priceless. You hit the nail on the head with a 20 pound sledgehammer.

I been doing this for a little bit. I've seen it and seen it. We are all cowboys. Let's rope some D20s.

Why those small d20's when we can round up some d30's from texas.

Great post, I love the stream of consciousness style of your posts. Although I said in another post that I've been fortunate with my players, I do have 1 that is hit-and-miss. When he's there, he's all there. But I never know from week to week if he'll show. I do stay in touch with my players during the week. I ping everyone a couple of times a week, reminding of the game and the start time. This is especially important with my Euro-based game. I'm anywhere from 6 to 8 hours off from their time zone, so I don't want any confusion. I always say to both my groups, If you can't make the game, it's cool... just let me know. I understand that stuff comes up and this is just a game. Real life takes priority. But if someone's a no-show AND I don't get any notification (prior notice or post explanation) then I feel like my efforts as DM are not appreciated. I have resolved for the new year to be more strict with any no-show issues. When I see all the new players looking for a group, any group, I see no reason to put up with repeat offenders.

James J. said: I have a bunch of d30s and the hundred sider golf ball thing which is totally useless, because it never stops rolling unless you use a shoebox for it, I have a d30 and a couple of booklets of tables that use it. I remember seeing ads in Dragon Magazine for the d100. Never saw any need for it when 2d10 served just as well.

My ex-girlfriend would bitch about me making plans for her and I based on my game times. I just could not get her to understand that a weekly or bi-weekly game is a serious obligation no different from something like being in a bowling league or softball team. She always whined about it because it was online and 'just a gaaaaame'. There is a reason she's an ex now, lol.

Boom. Thanks for jumping in here, Honey Badger. I had many exes like that. Even when I was gaming once a month. many would "make plans for us." One night I asked one on Valentine's day to marry me, after dating for three years. She said "No. Maybe next year." I said "Okay." packed up my stuff, called my gaming buddies and prepared to go out. She: "I can't believe you are gaming with your LOSER FRIENDS, on VALENTINE's DAY!!" Me: "We're no longer in a relationship. Pack your stuff and be out in a week. If I've been sitting here three years paying your rent, and we're not getting married, we're done." She: "I can't believe you broke up with me, just because I said no! I need time!" Me: "No, we broke up because of No, AND 'Loser friends.' Happy Valentines Day." I then went out into the snow. She ended up hooking up with the cop from three doors over who she had already been seeing, on my Game nights, And she took the cat withj her. I missed that cat. Mr. Fielding was a better friend as a cat, than she was as a girlfriend. He got screen time in an IAMS commercial before I got into my first film as an extra. lol. TRUTH, 100 %.

I guess I don't really see the issue. If someone has other obligations, they should attend to them. If it's a regular thing that is causing them not to show up for the game, then address it directly and come to a decision about it. No-notice-no-show gets an immediate ban from all future games I run, but this has only ever come up in one-shots, not regular campaigns. Anyone who has had to drop from a regular game (and that's very rare indeed) has always given notice. Outside of not being able to play with someone I enjoy, I always have players waiting in the wings to join so we just on-board them and carry on without missing a beat. (I also never do any PC-specific prep.)

more hard core than I am. I do PC specific prep all the time.

I have been in many games as both a player and a GM where people just vanish. It did get better after I made skype groups for all the campaign groups I'm in since people started doing more out of game chatting. In my experience though the no shows miss for only two reasons: 1. Fell asleep (I have fallen asleep during a game but never before one started) 2. Just did bother to remember. The people with actual reasons usually let you know before hand. I have started screening players harder recently and that helps too. Also one real gem of a no show was a guy who was listed to GM another game on the lfg at the time of the campaign I was playing in. I knew this because I had just join the game and had been using the LFG and rembered his distinctive name and avatar. He did even so for the first game despite talking to the GM on skype 10 minutes before the game started.