Final post-Christmas post by the "Weird Curmudgeon" - The Tale of Hubris by a player, and how I learned to be as a team. No lie, I was humbled.

I was a player in an AD&D game run at the Naval Air Station, North Island, San Diego Navy Air Base. Was on active duty back then, 1985. I was 19. AS I REMEMBER IT.... There was a really nice AD&D setting with a real mixed-bag of bold adventurers, run by a guy named John Lindauer, at building 1400 Air Squadron Barracks. We had: - a data systems tech (DM) who was a real life magic-user who did card tricks and stuff with coins with his fingers - a torpedo mechanic (me) who was born of an alcoholic and a drug dealer and escaped to the Navy - a guy who fixed plane engines who drank too much who was a huge coke fiend and getting busted for it - his sister who was more than hot like fire to look at, and who got pregnant as soon as she got to the duty station - another guy who was cool I think he was a radioman that played a dwarf - a girl that worked with aircraft fuel, who kept a smuggled in cat in her barracks room, but we all helped her hide it, passing it around in a bag during her inspection days,.Totally illegally and not according to regs. Her clothes stank from the fuel so much it covered the cat stink. Oh yeah, and she was a witch from vermont that had Charles Damn BRONSON as a next door neighbor. So we had to help her with the cat. Just because. So... your normal average no frills D&D group. ROFLMMFAO! Well, I played a character, a Halfling named Throckmorton Frogslayer. Everything else that follows is pure fantasy, or Totally True, depending on how much you love AD&D. Because we were there, dammit! So Throckmorton, this PC I had, Again, I was new to AD&D, had GMed but was still learning how to be you know a Team Player. Ole Throck-Em had backstabbed a Giant Frog in a swamp one day, and killed it, on his first adventure, thus saving a BUNCH of party members from the "Swallowing Whole" attack. So months of campaign time pass...We do stuff, kill stuff and Get Much Eeps. (You old skoolers know that Term perhaps.) Anyway, we were on this quest to go to a semi-Egyptian-flavor temple, to steal some artifact or other. (Yeah none of that comes to mind, that's nigh on thirty yar ago by cracky!) So, we go into the main temple room, where there is a really narrow stone bridge that is 40' long going across the room. There's a stiff cross breeze from some vents, which vary at times, making the check to go across at a -10, the DM says. So the party is shaking in their boots, because: A) WE HAVE TO GET ACROSS to get the item. B) THERE's NO OTHER WAY, because way back before in the adventure, we had to cross a chasm, and the bridge collapsed on us, and we lost a character. C) The pit on either side of the Bridge is FILLED WITH POISONOUS SNAKES. (Our bad luck, because Raiders of the Lost Ark had just come out, and the GM had loved it.) So, I (As the Halfling with the 18 Con) Ask, "Just how many snakes are there?" The ref says:uh... Hundreds.. You're not sure... Just a lotta damn snakes, man. So, We're sitting there. No time pressure at all, but we know we gotta cross. I ask him, Anything else? He goes, "You're not sure... BUT... There seems to be a lever of some sort, it might be the control to something." Then The dwarf says he's checking for shifting walls. So, the GM goes: Yes, It seems like another bridge will raise up, if you pull the lever...But it's surrounded by snakes. We're sitting there, about a minute. GM says, Who's first? We sit there, not wanting to deal with the whole issue. So, this went on, and in fact, was getting pretty dull. After a few minutes, we're all flipping through pages of equipment, scanning spare PHBs, etc. Nothing. Suddenly, the Elf goes, (looking at his sheet) I've got this ring...It improves your resistance to poison! Maybe somebody can use it against the snakes, in case he or she gets bit! boom.. NO! BOOM! So, I glance down at my character sheet, and start doing some figuring... It comes out, with con bonus, levels, etc, plus being a halfling, I'm at 4+ on a D20 to save vs. Snake poison. WOOHOO! I only need 4 or higher, on a D20!! WOO! I will be the damn hero! So I go: Okay, SCREW THIS! Tie me to a rope, you guys, I'm going for it! CHEERS from the group. A look of utter dismay from the GM. GM says: No, the ring is too big, it's Elf Size! We look it up in the DMG. Not a lot there in the description. No Help. I get an inspiration! I tell him, I wear it on my thumb, and we wrap some string around the inside of the ring, so it will fit! THE PARTY IS LIKE: YES!! WOOHOO, Go Throckmorton!!! YES!! I'm losing my mind: MOO HA HA! (Looking down into the pit) HERE I COME, YOU STUPID SNAKES!! FEAR ME!! SO MY GOAL IS CLEAR: MOVE THE LEVER, so the party can cross. (By now, we're sure this is going to be a really cool, Outsmarted-The-GM type deal. We're loving it, becasue we used to get like at least three or four characters dead per adventure. It was like a minor moral victory or something, for us to be able to outsmart this guy, this DM that was super smart and had it all memorized since he'd been playing for SIX WHOLE YEARS, WOW! He's like the MASTER OF ALL MASTERS OF DUNGEONS. CAN YOU IMAGINE SIX YEARS AS A DM>?!?! (heh.) The party gives me a magic +2 dagger, for Just In Case. I accept it graciously, with a promise that, Don't worry, I'll pull the lever, and "...Be Right Back, Honest." So, I DIVE IN to the pit. HOOO YAAAAA! I start singing Airborne-style cadence songs. "See that Halfling from the sky! He jumps in, and snakes will die!" Everyone is loving it, slapping each other on the back. THIS IS GONNA WORK! THE GM IS PISSED OFF. REALLY MAD. Just by my actions, and demeanor, I'm taunting the idea of his formerly Very Cool Snake Pit Kill A P-C Death Trap. He grabs a hanful of D20s, and starts tossing 'em down. He needs like a 15 or better to hit. GM is SCREAMING at me: YOU'RE GONNA DIE! Here goes.. A GROUP OF SNAKES RUSH YOU! 2. 5. 7. 4. 9. 3. ALL MISSES. By this time, they cheer, with each roll, because they know that first the snakes gotta hit me, then I get to make a save vs. Poison. This Crap will be REALLY tough going for the snakes now!! It goes to my head. I'm drunk with power. I'm no longer in Character, I AM the CHARACTER. I LOSE IT! I'm going HEY SNAKES! come get me!! GM: (still rolling) 4. 9. 12. 3. 6. 8. 3. THE PARTY CHEERS! WOO HOO! GO GO GO GO GO! THROCKMORTON! DO IT HALFLING! GM: 12. 11. 5. 7. PARTY: GO GO GO GO GO GO! ME: (totally flat casual) I get to the lever, and pull it. Everyone holds their breath, to see if this was it, or is he gonna *** change the story to screw us. *** Because in the days of Gygax, that sometimes happened. Not as much as WOTC Forums says it did, bit it did. GM: You're Still Surrounded by snakes. They're trying to bite you! GM: 4. 8. 9. 3. 6. ARGH! ME: I PULLED THE LEVER! What's HAPPENING? The GM LOSES IT TOO!!! The GM Throws his dice across the room, screaming! GM: "OKAY! The walls start shifting, in a few minutes, the party will cross... (He turns really dark & nasty, as he says in a low voice, looking at me the player, as the character. GM: BUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT OUTTA HERE ALIVE... OH YEAH? So, THIS IS MY NEW GOAL, Just GET OUT ALIVE. (Except, By this time, I'm really out of control.) NO, I'LL SHOW THEM SNAKES! THE PARTY YELLS: "YOU DID IT, COME ON BACK, MAN!" ME: "I Pick up a snake, and swing it around my head." GM: He's biting you. 5. 9. 4. ME: "I grab the snake by the throat! (People laugh, it's all throat, lol)... But I was temporarily insane. YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?! HUH? I SLAP THE SNAKE. (I Motion how I'm slapping the snake.) Spish! Spish! YOU SUCK, SNAKE! Spish! Slap! I GET IN THE SNAKE's FACE! *** I BITE THE SNAKE! *** The party is aghast. PARTY: NO, MAN! COME BACK! YOU DID IT! NO! COME UP! GM: The Walls have moved, you guys can cross now. GM's still rolling. And missing me. He changes dice. THE PARTY: THROCKMORTON, COME UP! We're through, man! You did it! Let's go! ME: I toss the snake away in disgust. I spit on it! Silly Snake, thinking you can POISON ME, HUH?!?!?!? THE PARTY: Hurray, come up! ME: NO. (dramatic pause) ME: Because *** I'M NOT DONE YET. *** ME: I Rip off my shirt, like the Hulk. ME: COME GET ME, SNAKES! I'm THROCKMORTON FROGSLAYER, soon to be Throckmorton SNAKESLAYER! GM: The snakes are rushing you! The party is really mad at me now. PARTY: DUDE! Get a CLUE, Man. You did it! Come up! GM: Another snake tries to bite you. 19! A HIT! Roll Vs. POISON! The party gasps, and groans. GM: OKAY, Man! MAKE A SAVE! ME: I make a save. (rolls the dice) 20!!!! WOO HOO! I'M ALIVE! THE PARTY: 20! A NATURAL 20! YELLING! 20! 20, Ohmygoddidhereallyjustrollanat20?! ME: I AM INVINCIBLE! I AM KING OF ALL SNAKEDOM! Everyone is just staring at my antics. ME: I DIVE INTO THE PILE OF SNAKES! I'M *** BATHING *** in snakes! (I motion how I'm rubbing snakes under my armpits, and such.) ME: Just TRY TO BITE ME, you LOSER Snakes! I tie snakes in knots! A few laughs at the idea of a pretzel snake, but mostly, The party is horrified. The GM sees that this is going nowhere. I have lost it. I start channeling Robert DeNiro as mentally unstable Vietnam war veteran Travis Bickle from TAXI DRIVER. ME: I pick up snakes at random. YOU HISSING AT ME? YOU HISSING AT ME? ME: THERE'S NOBODY ELSE DOWN HERE, SO YOU MUST BE HISSING AT ME! ELF PC: Dude. Time to go. Me: Stupid %^&$%^& SNAKES! You can't TOUCH ME!!! ELF PC: Dude. Dude. Let's go. You made your point, man. Let's move on. The Party: Yeah, man, let's go. ME: I CHALLENGE any snake who has BALLS ENOUGH to face me, to take me on! More chuckles from the party at the idea of a snake with testicles. ME: I'm tossing snakes left and right! (All the while, I'm live action roleplaying it, by tossing handfulls of clean socks, belts, ties that I got from a nearby closet.) The GM is beyond drained, in trying to kill me. GM: Okay, man, let's just move on. ME: FINE. I go over to where I came down. ELF PC: Finally. Let's go. ME: Okay, I'm getting ready to come up. GM: There's one more snake left, where you came down. ME: I STEP ON IT! I GRIND THE SNAKE INTO THE GROUND, LIKE A CIGARETTE! ME: DAMN Snake, trying to get me! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS! GM: The snake gets a last attack before he dies. ME: Fine. Whatever. GM: 18. The Snake hits. ME: Fine. I roll my save. (It's one of those that lands weird, and spins like a top.) It's still spinning. ...and spinning... ME: I Yell to the Elf to pull me up. The dice stops spinning. Number Comes up. it's a 3. ME: I'm dead. The GM says nothing. ELF PC: I haul his body up, and GET MY STUPID RING BACK. NO, WAIT. ELF PC: I TOSS THE RING INTO THE PIT. THE SNAKES DESERVE IT, *** AFTER ALL THEY WENT THROUGH *** ME: Uh.. OK. Uh. I guess I'll roll a new character... ELF PC: Yeah. Your fault, man. GM: Okay, so the party goes out of the temple room, you go down a dusty, twisting passage, covered with heiroglyphic writing. You all EXCEPT FOR THE STUPID HALFLING THAT DIED enter another chamber, where you see what appears to be... ...And so ends the dark tale of Throckmorton Snakeslayer... *************************************************************** I went to the edge, and learned to be a team player and focus on the scenario, and the mission and not to hog it. Oh yeah, I learned on that one. Lots of good lessons. Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, good gaming in 2014, to all.