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Anxiety

Hi everyone. I'm new here and think this place is hella rad, but I don't think I'll actually get to play anything. Mostly, because I don't have reliable internet. I live in the middle of nowhere and it's too expensive to get cable/good internet. Usually, the only time I'm actually able to get online is on my phone or if I'm on campus. But, I also have this anxiety when it comes to playing games like this. I used to play D&D 3.5 a few years ago, but the group suddenly broke up and I've never actually talked to any of them again. My boyfriend plays a lot of games, and when I go with him, his friends ask me if I want to play (I don't live in the same state, so they were only oneshot characters), but the past couple times, I quickly said no. I only ever do roleplaying on forums and tumblr, so I felt like I wasn't good enough? I don't know. I know I would get better with practice, but honestly, I'm too scared to actually join a game to get experience. I'm just a mytstery wrapped in an enigma drizzled with a conundrum.
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Pat S.
Forum Champion
Sheet Author
Would it be easier if you gamed with girls only? There is a girls only and select guys they like and trust group on the listings.
As Metroknight said, there are some gal only groups here on Roll20 and there are also groups for folks who are just beginning to game. Some of our DMs even run one-shots aimed at helping people learn different RPG systems. Take a look through the Looking For Group Listings and the Looking For Group Forums and you should find all kinds of different people looking for games. Some of them even use a "play by post" style format or are text only if you're more comfortable with that style of roleplaying. There are lots of options to fit all kinds of play styles.
don't worry about bad connections. as long as you are upfront about such things, most GM's will let you know if they can handle occasional lapses. another possibility if you are having intermittent connection issues, and are up to it, is playing a character with a split personality? or perhaps possessed by some other entity, if you prefer. That way you don't have to remember what happened while you were not here, and your DM could use your absences for some really gnarly hooks because well, why not :) As someone or something else is actually in control of your characters actions while you are 'blacked out', your character gets to go along with whatever is happening regardless of your actual inclusion of the session in question, and when you get back, you are right there to continue the game without having to suddenly appear from the bushes. of course, it does allow for confusion but gives you a perfect excuse to be confused. I admit, its a challenge, but if it doesn't work, well, sometimes things don't. It's no big deal. We've all mad characters that either we didn't like, or that didn't fit with another group, or that someone else just ended up hating. most people just have fun with it anyway, and if you REALLY don't like your character, just set it up for an epic save the party moment while simultaneously letting you retire the character. or just flat drop it, if you really want. I prefer the epic save, it's more fun. (the DM can help you set something up, if no opportuntities come up on their own fast enough, but be careful, DM's like to twist things to make them fit their story, so watch out for that :-)
Regarding bad connections, there's not much you can do on that front. Regarding anxiety about not being a good enough player, what exactly are you worried about? Is it lack of system mastery, or fear of not being able to fit in with the group? If it's a system mastery issue, I wouldn't sweat it too much. Generally, people in this hobby are more than happy to help new players build characters and learn the rules. Might be a good idea to stick to low level games to start if it's a system you aren't familiar with, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. If it's a fear of not fitting in or a social anxiety issue, I can sympathize. I've dealt with a lot of anxiety issues and I realize they often exist apart from logic and rational analyses of a situation, although, ironically, for me, they don't seem to be a problem when gaming once I get into it. There's not a lot of judgement in this hobby, so feel free to ham it up and really get into character. Also, it's the internet - if people are jerks, screw them, they probably live thousands of miles away, and there's lots of other games. As a player, if you follow these three pieces of advice, and you'll always be welcome at my table (and you'll be a better player than a lot of people): 1. Don't be a dick. 2. Build off each other, don't block each other. 3. You're supposed to be a badass. Act like it. Take risks
Yes, and... Not all come to the table to play a "Badass". "I'm too scared to actually join a game to get experience" can easily be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was 18, I was afraid I'd get killed if I joined the Military, the Navy. At the recruiting office, they had a wall plaque "A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships were built for." So I joined, and was lucky, and had a lot of adventures. Now 30 years later, I'm retired, and have time to run and play games. Sarah C., Welcome.
1388475217
Pat S.
Forum Champion
Sheet Author
Sarah having anxiety is natural but don't let it rule your life. If I let it rule my life I would have never traveled from the east coast to the west coast and live a year out there then moved back eastward. If I let anxiety control me then I would never have gone back to school after close to 30 yrs and work on a degree while being married with a child. Never let it rule your choices otherwise you will miss out on things that can be fun.
1388477592
Gid
Roll20 Team
Since you're dealing with a sketchy internet connection, you also might want to look into Play-By-Post style games on Roll20. You'll find that this is very similar to forum RP with the only difference being is that you can use the Roll20 features for character positioning, utilize the dice roller, and other things like keeping track of your character sheet, having an index of handouts and character entries, etc.
James J. said: Yes, and... Not all come to the table to play a "Badass". Hey, remember that cool movie where Keanu Reeves took the red pill and started kicking ass like a badass? Yeah? How about the one where he took the blue pill and lived out the rest of his boring little life as a computer programmer in a cube farm? I love it when my players do interesting, cool, badass things that make me want to cheer for them.
B L. said: James J. said: Yes, and... Not all come to the table to play a "Badass". Hey, remember that cool movie where Keanu Reeves took the red pill and started kicking ass like a badass? Yeah? How about the one where he took the blue pill and lived out the rest of his boring little life as a computer programmer in a cube farm? I love it when my players do interesting, cool, badass things that make me want to cheer for them. Being badass is not restricted to (overall very lone wolf characters, how boring :) ) people like Neo. There are charming characters, diplomatic characters, pacifist characters, non-neurotypical characters, manipulative characters (that won't get themselves into danger), physically strong characters, sneaky characters (who will try to circumvent danger as well) and so many more. A party that has a plan and maybe even gets reinforcements before entering a dungeon/dragon cave is just as fine or sometimes more interesting for my taste at least than a party that just runs in without any scouting or planning at all. But yes, sometimes there is the rule of cool though it tends to work better with some systems than others :)
I think what B. L. was trying to say (and you can correct me if I'm wrong) is that you should try to not be boring. For example, if the murderer of your family suddenly appears in the distance, you shouldn't just discuss a plan of action and calmly track him to the next city. Instead you may want to rush to him or if your character is indeed more calm, at least insist on sneaking up to him somehow or cutting him off on another route. Or if you are in the middle of combat and you notice something really cool, like a chandelier above all the enemies that could smash them, you shouldn't think about the penalties to hit it or start calculating the damage per round of your normal attacks, but risk something if it seems like a legitimately fun thing to do. But since I don't want to derail this topic more than it already is, here my advice. The others explained it well enough already I think, but it cannot be said often enough. I myself am one of the most shy and awkward persons around and probably even have a small phobia of talking over Skype / a phone / something else, but I simply tried and eventually found a group that I could warm up to. It's just a matter of finally doing it, and then realizing it isn't even that bad. You also don't have to worry about being spot-on with your roleplay from the very beginning. The character you come up with is often not the one that he is later, and although you may enjoy one style of playing more in the beginning, you will find that making compromises with the other players' and GM's ways of playing can be even more fun, since everyone enjoys what they are doing. Also, I play in a text-based and in voice-based games, and I have to say both are fun and you don't lose anything by choosing one over the other. Especially if you cannot express yourself that well while talking a text-based game can lead to a bit more interesting roleplaying. As for the "problem" of you being female and there being so many male players, I don't know why that would be a problem. If you are ever having trouble then those people are probably just assholes. I don't know why other people here in this topic brought it up.
Boring can be defined in many ways. Who decides what is boring or scary? What levels of anxiety will not trigger my avoidance but will for others? The individual must decide and make their own way. I remember matrix. When he took on 100 simulacrums, he then lowered himself since 1 person could then beat 100. This does not make him 100 times more powerful it makes those guys 100 times as weak. I'd rather see one person with a knife take on another of equal stature. one 10th level character can kill an army of kobolds and learn not much. An anxiety ridden character afraid to join a game would be boring for some, but the challenge they face of a prison of their own making, seeing that play out has a great emotional impact for me, as I came from anxiety myself. Let's see that boring to many character, who does not join, out of fear, who does not dare, challenge or show initiative. lets' see the internal demons and struggles. don't write off everyone that isn't a combat badass.
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I think I may have expressed myself not well enough, because I get the feeling you are portraying me as some sort of asshole who doesn't appreciate good roleplaying just because it isn't badass enough for my taste. What I was trying to say is, that when thinking about actions your character should take, you shouldn't think about things like maximum efficiency because of penalties to hit. And if you feel your character wouldn't care for his own life because he hates one guy so much he would risk it just to see him suffer or die, then the player should go with it and not think to himself "Hmm, I kind of dislike the effort of creating a new character sheet though, and also the party may needs me for this one minor task that's actually far less important to my character than seeing this guy dead". The same would even apply to one of your scenarios. If you are in a tough battle against a dude who injures most of the party, and he then transforms into a disgusting demon, that you recognize as the one from your childhood who you saw destroying an entire village and raping everyone, you should go ahead and roleplay your fear and trauma and run away, even if this may mean death to the other characters, Of course you can only do this with a group that understands why you do this and wouldn't get extremely pissed at you for doing that. Also, if you feel your character would not spend his nightwatch in hostile territory with full attention, because he would be crying over the recent loss of his love (man, there sure is a lot of death in my examples), then you should go ahead and tell that to the GM, even if it means trouble. Especially if it means trouble, because that also keeps the game interesting. Now if you play an emotionless robot who calculates the most efficient action in every way possible, even then you can come up with a less boring way to play it. Maybe at one point his calculations show that one of the party members is more trouble than he's worth and decides to kill him. But his risk calculations also show that the other party members would probably defend him and try to kill the robot instead. So one day your character of an otherwise boring robot talks to the other party members instead and suggests killing the other person. That could lead to an interesting roleplaying situation, that may result in you having a nice reason to get rid of that robot character, if everyone feels like the character didn't add much to the enjoyment of the game for everyone or wasn't fun to play as. If you want to discuss this more with me or the others who kind of brought this up, please use PMs. The mods around here love to close topics that are getting off-topic, and I'd hate to see this closed because of my small derailment. I even tried to bring it back on-topic, but who knows maybe I sound way more assholish than I intended to sound. If that's the case I think I posted enough for 2014. /edit: Also sorry if I sounded angry. Angry is basically my default emotional state, so don't feel offended. I love discussing things, but apparently I'm not very good at it. /2nd edit: I also just noticed that this is more and more my opinion and less an interpretation of B. L.'s wording.
I'm not portraying anyone as anything, if this is directed at me. Maybe mouse? I don't know how you think, but my point is to suggest not all roleplaying is or should be, "I am here to be a badass." There's a whole spectrum of human emotion, anxiety, personalities, traits skills, etc. Max the nebbish accountant who has a cheating wife, and loves to build miniatures in his garage of vietnam, as an armchair warrior, who has never served in the military, has never fired a gun. yet in the zombie apocalypse, his knowledge of mass wave attacks, if he survives could be useful to a group of survivors. How much of a "badass" is he? Yet many would find him boring. I think boring is a tag that comes across as prejudicial against people or situations that reflects more upon the person who is "bored" rather than any hard and fast label. Some people would be bored to sit in a quiet room, listening to the wind. a Buddhist monk does it every day. A stamp collector using small tweezers for hours, to glue a few stamps precisely into a book. Are these characters appropriate for a specific genre, and setting? Not for D&D. For modern horror? Maybe. Depends on the setup, how the scenario is written. Mundane characters can be fun to play, even if they are not dframatic, since it is all a role. In a game where each characters is expected by genre conventions to be an action hero, okay those won't work, or MIGHT, work to change up expectations to make them a fish out of water. This is where we get the cloistered cleric, the scholarly wizard, the would-be hero elf that cannot shoot straight, overcoming a low dexterity, via practice and training. This thread is about anxiety. A state of tension because the person cannot decide what to do and fears punishment or consequences of a potential action. Therefore no action is taken toward resolution of the critical situation or problem. Which in itself is an action that compounds itself. I could play such a character. Not a hero. So. What. Could become one. And to me that arc is much more interesting, which is why I prefer more of the older editions. Lower stats that might be 6, 7 or so. And a system that only gives bonues at 15 to start for attributes. For example, if the murderer of your family suddenly appears in the distance, you shouldn't just discuss a plan of action and calmly track him to the next city. Instead you may want to rush to him or if your character is indeed more calm, at least insist on sneaking up to him somehow or cutting him off on another route. For a character that does not have a tag or trait of Anxiety, sure. I posit that a character can be effective "as a character, within a story", and have a trait that precludes action. It will not be effective in resolving the story problem or effective dramatically, yet it will be a character that is flawed but still playable, that will create further problems for themselves as they fail to confront whatever challenge is at hand. Or if you are in the middle of combat and you notice something really cool, like a chandelier above all the enemies that could smash them, you shouldn't think about the penalties to hit it or start calculating the damage per round of your normal attacks, but risk something if it seems like a legitimately fun thing to do. Games like 7th sea, full of swashbuckling people with rapiers in taverns, sure. I agree that it is a mistake to see things in terms of game mechanics. But some characters might, a physicist or carpenter, for example, might in the case of a chandelier. I'm not sure how "Fun" enters into it, if the character has no money to pay for such damage. would they consider their reputation? A pirate wouldn't, likely, A townsman who already owes the tavernkeeper, might. Calculating damage per round, I don't think enters into it. 1d8 per round, seen mechanistically? I get it that you are pointing toward there are three or more men entering the tavern you are alone. to me, that is already a setting for escape, or bottlenecking the attackers, but still outnumbered. so a trick of a chandelier might work, if pulled off, but still it is a delaying tactic, until the next encounter. It is a temporary solution that serves to illustrate quick thinking on the part of the character or an outside the box solution. Even better are the bad guys who have been in a hundred tavern fights who think of it ahead of time, and back off watching the hero swing from the chandelier, miss and off balance, with a bad dex rioll, falls flat. Thus comedy. But some here would see that as DM blocking a cool move. So it has to be done carefully, lest the character and scenario become a slapstick pratfall thing, where the player who takes the character seriously becomes the laughingstock. Maybe leading to anxiety? It's just a matter of finally doing it, and then realizing it isn't even that bad. You also don't have to worry about being spot-on with your roleplay from the very beginning. The character you come up with is often not the one that he is later, and although you may enjoy one style of playing more in the beginning, you will find that making compromises with the other players' and GM's ways of playing can be even more fun, since everyone enjoys what they are doing. 100% Also, I play in a text-based and in voice-based games, and I have to say both are fun and you don't lose anything by choosing one over the other. Especially if you cannot express yourself that well while talking a text-based game can lead to a bit more interesting roleplaying. 100% I have done it both ways. For a person with anxiety, you can take a bit morte time to craft a response via text or play by post. In an ad-lib situation, fears of coming across as unpolished might hamper some, unless they realize it's all unpolished, nobody expects academty award perfection here. We're lucky to get "Thrunk smash!" sometimes. As for the "problem" of you being female and there being so many male players, I don't know why that would be a problem. If you are ever having trouble then those people are probably just assholes. I don't know why other people here in this topic brought it up. Could be the anxiety of being in a social situation for an extended campaign with people they do not know. I have seen problems with prejudice against women as gamers, women as incompetent, sexually pressuring situations, female on female jealousy where one player is female, and has some status and another joins and the women fight for dominance. Those people are probably just assholes, sure. But lots of groups have them, the non-mainstream nature of gaming in the past at least I have seen leads to a nobody likes us, so we'll accept anyone as part of the "I'm a gamer, you're a gamer, subculture, so anyone that is a gamer is accepted despite their hidden or patently obvious personality problems (for those players who have them)" So much so that it's not a function of joining a group of gamers, but joining a group of people, with their own flaws and limitations, and the fear of non-acceptance, because of low self esteem. Doesn't have to be gamers, just a function of anxiety.
Okay, I think the "problem" was just the term "boring" I brought up. Your character "Max" you jsut came up with would be the exact opposite of my interpretation of boring, so yes, I actually agree with you! I probably should have said "interesting" instead, that seems more fitting. Also I seemed to have missed your point about trying to roleplay the anxiety, which I agree would be a valid way to play a character. It depends on the group though, as with everything. My examples are also not supposed to be "100% the way you're supposed to act", but rather to show how some characters could act. You pointed that out well. As for your last paragraph, I am too tired to understand it correctly, but sounds cool. Overall I'd like to apologize if I seem rude, and I definitely wasn't trying to sound assholish. Sorry. And please don't close this thread because of derailment caused by me. It happened before in other forums, and in my experience the lifetime of my forum accounts are always like a tragedy. I just hope this not the retardement, because I can already feel the ban hammer hovering above me. So, here something on-topic again: Just try out a session or two of a text-based game! Tell them of your anxiety beforehand too, and if they still are unfriendly then you are definitely not the problem, but they are. And even if you join a voice game and stutter and don't put much inflection or emotion into your sentences, at least you can say you have tried it out. Trust me, I've been there. And if the game's not to your liking or the others don't have enough patience for you, well, then just try out another game. I know how hard it is, but always think to yourself: If you embarass yourself somehow, they don't know you, you don't know them and they'll probably forget it in a few days or a week anyway.
I highly doubt you are in danger of banishment. Moderation around here is generally lenient, allowing the community to police themselves. Text games are a good solution. And true most people are not going to worry about how others are playing as long as they are trying.