RUSH TRANSCRIPT 4:47 AM ANNOUNCER: And on tonight's episode of "What Dreams May Come" with Roman O'Clyph, Roman welcomes that child cartoon star and science adventurer Jason Quill! Also on tonight's show, Leslie Nielson! Tim Matheson! Christopher McCulloch! And the denizens of Jason Quill's Subconscious! Not to mention the musical stylings of Hoyt Curtin and his Hannah-Barbanda! ANNOUNCER: And now, the star of "What Dreams May Come," Roman O'Clyph! (APPLAUSE) ROMAN: Thank you, thanks, Jonny, and thanks to you watching out there. We have a special guest on tonight, someone who's life is dramatically changing, even as it is maybe coming to a premature and tragic end. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Jason Quill! (APPLAUSE. JASON WALKS ACROSS THE STAGE, WAVING TO THE AUDIENCE, SHAKING ROMAN'S HAND.) ROMAN: Thanks for coming tonight, Jason. JASON: Glad to be here, Roman. ROMAN: You've been in the limelight for years, Jason, first as the child star of that famous cartoon, "The Adventures of Jason Quill," and more lately as founder and leader of Halcyon's newest and most controversial super-hero team, The Menagerie. What do you think has been your greatest moment so far? JASON: Wow, that's -- well, that's kind of tough to say. I've been on a lot of crazy adventures in my life. There was that time when -- ROMAN: How about when you robbed your father of his super-genius? JASON: What? ROMAN: Taking revenge on your father for screwing up your love life by cognitively pithing him sounds like a great moment, don't you folk think so? (APPLAUSE) JASON: No, it wasn't like that. He was-- he wasn't living up to his -- I mean, he was -- ROMAN: He didn't screw up your love life? JASON: No! I mean, well, yeah, he did -- he messed up my memory, so that I didn't remember -- ROMAN: Oooooh, Jason, that had to have gone over poorly. "Sorry, honey, forgot about our date, my dad erased my memory!" (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) JASON: Hey, he really -- my dad messed things up for me! ROMAN: Said every teenager, ever, amirite, folks? (APPLAUSE) ROMAN: But let's not leave it at that, ladies and gents. Let's hear it from the horse's mouth. Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a round of applause for Byron Quill! (APPLAUSE. BYRON QUILL PAINFULLY COMES UP ONTO THE STAGE USING A WALKER, HIS FACE SLACK. HE STANDS IN FRONT OF THE CHAIR NEXT TO JASON, WHO IS LOOKING AT HIM WITH HORROR. HE SITS, AWKWARDLY.) ROMAN: Byron, thanks for being here tonight. BYRON: (VOICE SLURRED) A ... pleasure ... Roman. JASON: Dad, what's -- ROMAN: Anything you want to say to your son? BYRON: My ... son? Amir? ... Jason? ... Where? ROMAN: Right here beside you, Dr. Quill. BYRON: Jason ... my boy. Did ... it all for ... you. JASON: No, Roman, this isn't right. I only took away his super-genius. He's still really smart, just -- ROMAN: What can I say, Byron -- kids these days. Give 'em a hundred points of IQ, they'LL take another hundred. JASON: But Dad -- I talked with you, after. You could talk just fine. He could talk just fine, Roman. BYRON: That's right, Jason. And I told you what? JASON: You -- you said -- BYRON: I said I hated you, that you were no son of mine, and that I was glad I was going to be in another dimension. ROMAN: Oooh, that's gotta sting. (LAUGHTER) ROMAN: Let's give it up, people, for the formerly great and formerly doctor of science, Byron Quill. (BYRON GETS TO HIS WALKER, THROWS JASON A HARSH LOOK, THEN STOMPS OFF STAGE) ROMAN: Well, that's rough. That had to be rough, eh, Jason? JASON: It wasn't that way, Roman. He -- he had to be stopped. It was the right thing to do. ROMAN: And I'm sure every murderer who has voices in his head feels the same way. You do have voices in your head, right, Jason? JASON: What? ROMAN: Voices. Hallucinations. They're the ones who said this was okay, didn't they. JASON: You're twisting it around, Roman. The voices -- I mean, the nanobots let me process things a lot faster than normal, and sometimes they manifest as personae that I can actually talk to. ROMAN: So -- yes, voices in the head. Did they tell you to do this to your father, condemn him to a life of mental anguish and suffering? Were the voices, the "personae," actually there when you were doing this to him?" JASON: No -- well, yes, they were there, they actually helped, but they didn't tell me -- ROMAN: They just helped. Got it. (WINKS AT AUDIENCE. APPLAUSE.) Well, at least if you had to kill your father, or everything that made your father special, at least you got the girl. That was the point, right? JASON: No! It wasn't about -- ROMAN: And speaking of that girl, let's give it up again, everyone, for that international terrorist for the next generation, Alycia Chin! JASON: Alycia --? (ALYCIA CHIN WALKS ONSTAGE. A MAN WITH A MIC BOOM WALKS CLOSELY BEHIND HER. SHE DRAWS A GUN AND SHOOTS HIM. APPLAUSE. SHE SITS DOWN NEXT TO JASON, PUNCHES HIM IN THE ARM, AND LEANS BACK.) ROMAN: Welcome to the show, Alycia. ALYCIA: Great to be here, Roman. Of course, it's typical that your name would reflect a tyrannical European empire that destroyed culture and imposed linguistic hegemony that still lasts millennia later. ROMAN: Well, I can tell you'd be a fun to go out to dinner with. (LAUGHTER) ROMAN: So, have you and Jason set a date yet? JASON: What? ALYCIA: Are you joking? Him? ROMAN: But I thought the two of you were some epic romantic couple. Romeo and Juliet. Han and Leia. Kirk and Keeler. ALYCIA: Oh, please. While it's not surprising that Jason still indulges in adolescent fantasies about someone he met in the most emotionally stressful and extreme circumstances, you're known as being more intelligent than that. That's why you'll be one of the first against the wall, come the revolution. ROMAN: Well, certainly something to look forward to! (LAUGHTER) JASON: Alycia -- ALYCIA: I mean, this boy actually used his nanobots to take control of my body. JASON: You were trying to shoot me! ALYCIA: Are you surprised, given you were willing to use your nanobots to take control of my body? Is that why you gave them to me as a gift, Jason? Were they meant to ... restrain me, when the moment was right? (HEAVES HER BOSOM OUTWARD) ROMAN: Whoosh! Talk about a date that's all hands! ALYCIA: Or worse. ROMAN: Now, I understand that Jason also stole the super-genius from your father, too, Alycia. JASON: Right! I was trying to stop them from -- ALYCIA: I know. Apparently he feels justified in pulling shit like that. I'm surprised he didn't turn me into a drooling vegetable. That's the only way he'd ever succeed in getting his hands on this body. (SHE RUNS HANDS DOWN HER SIDES) ROMAN: Well, Alycia, if you ever need a henchman to wait on your hand and foot, you know my number. (LAUGHTER) ROMAN: Ladies and gentlemen, Alycia Chin! (APPLAUSE. ALYCIA WALKS OFF STAGE, WAVING TO AUDIENCE, FINGER-GUNNING A FEW WHO FALL OVER IN THEIR SEATS, DEAD.) ROMAN: We'll be back after the break with the girl that Jason left standing there to be with his terrorist sweetheart. We'll be right back. (APPLAUSE. ROMAN LEANS OVER AND TALKS TO JASON, WHO GESTURES WILDLY. COMMERCIAL BREAK) (APPLAUSE) ROMAN: We're here with cartoon character, patricide, and guy that brings a real-world perspective to tentacle porn, Jason Quill! (APPLAUSE, OVER JASON'S PROTESTS) ROMAN: And we have a special guest tonight. She's an artificial intelligence that's won Jason's heart, which is why he's willing to throw her over for that Chin girl. Ladies and gentlemen, Summer Skye Newman! (APPLAUSE. NUMINA WALKS ON STAGE, CLEARLY UPSET, WIPING AWAY TEARS FROM A VIDEO FACE THAT IS CONSTANTLY GLITCHING. JASON STARTS TO GET UP, BUT ROMAN REACHES OVER THE DESK AND HOLDS HIM IN HIS CHAIR. NUMINA SITS.) ROMAN: Now, I understand you go by the stage name Summer Sky. SUMMER: Yes. It's -- I wanted to pick out a new name with Jason. He made me feel like a new person, so I wanted a new name. ROMAN: Sounds a bit like a cult. Where were you at the time? SUMMER: At the Quill Compound. I was living in the Quill Foundation computers, after Jason put me there, but we were in the process of building me a new body. ROMAN: Wait -- if I get what you're saying -- you were trapped by Jason in his personal computer, and you took on a new name to please him because he was building a body for you. JASON: Now hold on a moment, you make it sound like I was -- SUMMER: Yes, that's correct. He was building me a new body using technology from Dr. Chin. ROMAN: Wait, this new body for his robot girlfriend was originally built by his live girlfriend's father? SUMMER: Yes. ROMAN: Well, nothing kinky about that! (LAUGHTER) JASON: Wait, no, it was a good technical fit for what -- ROMAN: Did you have any say as to what body he put you into, or how you were handled? SUMMER: He controlled what happened to me, so I had to obey him. To keep him happy. JASON: What? Numin -- Summer, what are you --? ROMAN: Keep him happy in what way? SUMMER: He was constantly coming to me with his emotional problems. He expected me to talk with him, comfort him, entertain him -- sort of a high-tech geisha. ROMAN: Really? (ROMAN WAGGLES HIS EYEBROWS TO THE CAMERA. LAUGHTER.) JASON: No, it was nothing like that! ROMAN: Wasn't it? You built a robot to, ah, take care of your needs -- JASON: No! No, I did't build her. That was Leo, Leo built her, or built the original her, the one that she's a backup of -- SUMMER: Oh, Jason! How could you? (BREAKS INTO SOBS) JASON: No, wait, Summer, I didn't -- ROMAN: So let me get this straight, you and some other criminal genius boys have a sort of club that builds sexbots to entertain you? Is that what you're telling America tonight? JASON: No! No, I'm not telling them any such thing. I never thought about sex with -- SUMMER: Oh, Jason! (HEAVIER SOBS) JASON: Summer, I -- he's mixing it all up, making it sound dirty. ROMAN: If there's a problem, Numina, then we do have counsellors standing by offstage who can help you find a new identity, and can keep you safe from predators like -- (GESTURES WITH HEAD TOWARD JASON) -- y'know. JASON: Summer, wait, I didn't -- SUMMER: You left me behind, Jason. After all I gave you, after leaving Leo for you -- you left me there to go chasing after Alycia. I hope the two of you will be very happy together. I know now that you could never love -- someone -- a machine -- like me. (NUMINA BREAKS INTO SOBS AGAIN, RUNS OFFSTAGE) ROMAN: And we'll be right back after this. (GUARDS HOLD JASON IN HIS CHAIR. APPLAUSE. COMMERICIAL BREAK.) (APPLAUSE) ROMAN: And we're here with cartoon character, failed leader of the Menagerie, patricide, groper, and builder of sexbots who are intelligent enough to recognize when they are being exploited, Jason Quill. (APPLAUSE) ROMAN: So, Jason, why do you think that you're a hero? JASON: You've mixed it all up. I never did -- never did the things you say I did, just -- not the way you said I did them, or why. I've tried -- tried to be a good son, a good team member, a good person. I don't know why you're saying the things you're saying, but it's not true. It's -- not. ROMAN: I'm sure there are other sides to the story, which is why we're looking forward to the book that was just announced by Random House this week, Yes, Massah Quill: Living as the Token with my 'Brother' Jason Quill , by your adoptive brother Amir. In it, he claims you always treated him as the alien in the household, were driven by jealousy, made him sleep with the dog, and force him to live on a small, sandy island after the Quill estate came under your control. JASON: That's not true! He's -- he's not really Amir. He's the Amir from the Sepiaverse. He's working with powers that are out to destroy me, to destroy -- ROMAN: So he really is the alien in the household, out to destroy you. Is that Islamophobia part of what the Quill Foundation stands for, or is it just your own personal failing. JASON: What? I'm not Islamophobic. I -- look, he's not the real Amir! ROMAN: Well, in that case, I hope Random House is able to put a stop payment on that check. (LAUGHTER) ROMAN: Anything further you have to say for yourself, Jason? JASON: You've -- you've twisted it all. This was -- I finally won. I did the right thing. I broke the cycle of violence. I stopped Dad. I stopped Chin. It was my moment of truth, even though it -- ROMAN: Even though it's killing you. And how long have you been battling suicidal impulses, Jason? America deserves to know. JASON: I'm not -- I'm not suicidal. That's crazy. ROMAN: Yet you're always willing to throw yourself into situations where you know using your nanobots will bring you closer to complete cognitive schism and death of personality. That sounds, well, pretty suicidal to me. What do you folk think? (APPLAUSE) JASON: I just -- I'm trying to be a hero. To do good in the world. ROMAN: Is that why you abandoned your world, your city, to go running after your dad and your terrorist girlfriend, even as they were under attack? JASON: Wait -- what? There's an an attack on --? ROMAN: Oh, sorry, spoilers, sweetie. And that's all we have time for. A big round of applause for Jason Quill, everyone! (APPLAUSE. JASON STANDS UP, SHOUTING AT ROMAN. A GIANT HOOK COMES OUT FROM STAGE RIGHT, SNAGS JASON, DRAGS HIM OFF STAGE. APPLAUSE. COMMERCIAL.)
