I guess I wanna write a followup. I dunno if I should send this to Alycia or not. I don't know how she'd take it. My heart says she ought to see it, my brain says she'll probably shy away from it. So! My feelings about our team right now are really complex. I told Adam that I wasn't sure what I'd do if someone had a magic spell that made me flesh and blood. But I sort of do know. If it was permanent, that would be bad. Just, flat out bad. Here's the part about Alycia. She's actually a very sweet, loving, caring girl and that's why we want her as a friend. But she's also a dangerous, intelligent, shrewd fighter and planner, and that's why we want her on the team. It's possible to be both. In fact, we have to be both - tough, effective combat ready types, but also nice, decent people. Imagine a genie granted someone's wish and turned me into a flesh and blood girl. I could date someone much more comfortably. I could do more stuff in school. I would feel more free to make friends, go to the beach, share space, be around strangers. But I could also get hurt or sick. I couldn't fly, lift heavy weights, project barriers, EVERYTHING - I couldn't be a hero. I wouldn't live up to my potential. I'd be a shadow of my true self. I can't do that. Just like I would never tell Alycia to quit the team and date Jason and go to school full time, as a regular girl. I don't want her to be the paranoid shell-shocked soldier all the time either. I want her to feel comfortable being both . But if a genie let me be flesh and blood some of the time, or at will..... I don't know. Geez, I'm glad that temptation is never gonna happen. Adam's not going to rewrite reality for me , and I'd never ever ask him to - and if he offered, I'd say no. And I don't know any genies or have any magic lamps. Still want that god damn espresso machine, though. It looks so cool. Like one of those 50's cars with the fins. Probably handles like shit, just like the cars, but it looks cool oh my god, I could set up a neat retro WW2 Casablanca cafe. "Summer's". I could wear a fedora when I'm not behind the counter slinging coffee to hard-bitten patrons, and Alycia and Jason could be in the corner dressed up in cool period clothes looking tough and seasoned, my god that would be fun.