To the office of In-Human Resources Castle Refuge

Audio Message from Sister Rebecca to the head of In-Human Resources Castle Refuge. "Is this thing on?" slow Turag speak in the background. "How the fuck should I know if the red light is on, I'm blind you ... oh is it on." "So we take this journey to the center of the earth to see a millennial tree which sounds kind of impressive I guess, and the others say its a very old super power entity so best behaviour but these damn millennials all they do is sit around and have everyone around them do everything." more slow Turag talk in the background "what the Tartarus has being a tree got anything to do with it? You said the ram thing is a tree and it moves around and eats things like my clothes, that reminds me if that damn thing gets near my robes again I'm gonna kill it." Turag talk in the background “silence I'm trying to send this message." <Sister Rebecca turns back to the camera and adjusts her robes taking a deep breath> "Now where was I. Oh yes this lazy millennial thing can't even be bothered to speak, it just sends us a bunch of cryptic images in our heads, leaves blowing in cold winds, that only reminded of me being stuck in that damn yoga position in that frozen hell hole of world Nicholas the pedo lives in, can you believe Benna was actually signing about him watching us when we're sleeping and yeah that’s awful but then she explained its a kids song, oh so much better, what kid doesn't want some creeper old guy using magic to watch them sleep. Must be a psi-stalker thing“ more Turag talk in the background, Sister Rebecca turns and give Turag a dirty look that with her face covering he can’t see “Anyways so this millennial just sits there “explaining”(even does finger quotations) to us how it’s seen Morgana doing all these awful things through out time and did nothing to stop her, in fact the tree did nothing as some foul smelling lady with her undead friends teleported to us and at that point I knew we had all gone to Hades, come on, lazy cryptic entities and dead people thats gotta be the underworld right, well turns out we weren't dead but I guess this lady was and was killed in very foul way in a different time that makes me wonder if the Splugorth had been to this world in the past as some of what she described matches what they do. so this Annakent or Annaket or was it Clark Kent(I recall hearing we might have a hard time pronouncing her name properly so), I'm so bad with names, maybe as bad as Thorfrid cause after awhile she just started referring to the tree thing by its brothers name, didn’t know trees had brothers. but Thorfrid is a gardener after all and I did hope she might start cutting down this tree when it started getting stupid cryptic. anyways this tree thing says the only way we can beat Morgana is with the help of this Annakilt person(great foreshadowing), did I mention she smells, as a blind person I can tell you my sense of smell is very important to me and she stinks, seriously go bath in the river Styx before coming with us." more Turag talk in the background “if you keep cutting me off Apollo help me I will<looks back and forth from the camera and Turag and takes a breath before continuing>… now fix that armour for Keegan. <Turns back to the camera with a look of joy that can't be contained>Oh right Keegan isn't Keegan anymore. well he is, kind of, but not, now he's something called a redcap, these people with their colours, purple is evil, red is capped, if only they knew how truly awesome colour is(she would cry here but she doesn’t eyes). Anyways Keegan touched the keystone thing that Morgana made and now has taken a new form for awhile and I have to say as a dwarf or a giant dwarf or as this redcap thing when he plays his bag of pipes it all sounds awful. I shouldn't really speak bad of it right, it does make one appreciate the silence. So back to the keystone, or wait cartouche, thats what they all called it, Annaspent said the creator needs to work on the chiselmanship cause their art looks terrible, and I swear she was this close to saying it could’ve been carved by a blind person“ "anyways we next travelled back to the surface and went north to the land of maple syrup and something called igloos as we looked for another millennial, hopefully this one is of more help, but also for someone that would be able to find this Merlin guy. Turag seemed bothered by the idea of going north, what a wuss, and its not as bad as he warned. The people talk a little funny, they keep saying 'eh' at the end of a sentence and the maple syrup drinking contest was kind of fun. One guy said he’ld show Annaquet me and Thorfrid some other uses for the syrup that was more fun and considering the previous furry adventure Thorfid is likely up for anything. Anyways we get to this new millennial and its guards accuse us of working for Morgana, their leader attacks but fortunately Keegan is able to disarm him and takes his incredibly large sword away which shrinks in his hands, I wonder if his people were maybe cursed with shrinkage issues, it might explain some things” “now at this point Turag says it wasn’t his fault but suddenly the APC fell out of the sky, if not for Benna catching the falling craft with only the power of her mind Turag would’ve killed us all.”<as she says this she turns to look at Turag who shacks his head mumbling something very slowly> “once on the ground we see the knight has also shrank and Turag says he wants the knight brought inside the APC so we can leave as this powerful woman shows up and Anklet tells her smelly friends to carry the knight inside, which was a good thing too cause crap does he need to go on a diet (Gawain hears this and checks his belly). Thorfrid started yelling something about Thor the demi-god as she fired the lightning gun at the powerful woman, oh right someone said Morgana, hmm, thought she’ld be taller. Wait I just got it Thorfrid worships Thor and her name is Thorfrid so if she worshipped a proper god her name would be Zuesfrid. Anyways like a typical weapon of a false god it did nothing until the true god’s showed us their might(Adventure Cards)” “at the same time Keegan’s performance issues continued and he wasn’t able to to hit Morgana with his shrinking sword. He tried to hit that several times but he just kept missing, it was so bad at one point I think even if someone gave him a map of where to hit her weak spot he still couldn’t find it. He said later the sword was throwing him off balance, makes sense right even shrunken he wasn’t used to holding something that big” <everyone over hearing starts laughing and Sister Rebecca asks whats so funny oblivious to the slams she unknowingly made>  "plus I guess it was his off-hand and guys always say things feel different in the other hand" <more laughter and Sister Rebecca finally gets the joke> “around this time an image came to me of impending doom, followed by a flash of light from Apollo that said ‘Not Today’ this caused Morgana’s spell to back fire and put her on the ground. This gave us a chance to run away with Gawain and our lives but thats not the style of this group and Turag hit the pedal accelerating forward giving Thorfrid a pointblank shot on Morgana. Now what happened next was all a blur, I guess the cartouche exploded and killed everyone. Somehow Anakhet managed to heal everyone with her heretical stinky magic rituals. she says the oils she used will wash out... they better.” <Sister Rebecca rubs at the stain on her robe> “And this brings me to the point of sending this message to you at In-human Resources. As Turag slowly as always expressed himself he said he hated me. Well he hated me at first and he hated Anna until she healed him. So I think Turag has a problem with women, I think he’s one of those Incels. It might explain his bondage weapons and that they only work on women. He should have to go to some training courses where he learns to treat women properly and not fear us or the almighty uterus” ^Image from Robot Chicken <after regaining her self Sister Rebecca sits back down and adjusts her robes> "Now as you can see the boys in this group really didn't do much, Benna saved us from Turag's bad flying, Thorfrid killed another big bad, Antenna healed everyone and even seen fit to persuade Morgana to join us, although something there seems a little off... at least it did until Thorfrid turned her attention to an army that was coming towards us, but with a few parting farewells she leveled a building and suddenly at least magically Morgana seemed... less."  <the recording blinks off for a few seconds before Turag's face is on screen> "Oooooookkkkkkk nnnnnnnooooooowwwwwwww ttttttooooooo ddddddeeeeellllleeeeetttttteeeeee ttttttthhhhhhiiiiiissssss" <hits send> "oooooooopppppssssss"

Yep, always mixing up the delete and send! I laughed so hard at the conclusion of this- Turag having a problem with women is absolutely awesome- great log! Also loved the many spellings of Anakhet

Very fun!  I'm glad to hear you liked m' singing. Singing is such a wonderful skill. You can uses it as a tool to remember things.  I sometimes use it to help with Mr. Turag's spelling tests.  Here's one to help you remember Anakhet's name. (Sung to Ring Out, Wild Bells ) A is for all pow'r she boasts      Ruling her thralls of ghoulish hosts. N is for the Nile's base       Home to her kin, life to her race. A is for Anubis' hand     That brought her back on Earth to stand. K is for the knife plunged hard      Into her heart and left her scarred. H is for her hidden face      Behind a mask of beauty's grace. E is for eternal fight      To rise in pow'r to godhood's height T is for the Tomb she keeps      A curse and gift in which she sleeps. There. Now Ms. Rebecca, you'll always remember.

How will the song help me with her name? Oh I got it cause the song is an annaro, arackomim, anacronym.  No wait... acronym, ooooohhhhh. Wow I did mispronounce your name badly its nice to meet you Acronym and all your strange smelly followers. 

ThorFrid; "THE ALMIGHTY UTERUS! Love it..."  

Second Video log to Department of In-Human Resources from now Saint Rebecca “Is it recording” Rebecca says to her sentinel Pandora who nods as she holds the camera. “Good. hmmm. Dear In-Human Resources it would appear the training courses you forced Turag to take haven’t worked at all. Maybe he hacked your computer system to say he took them but he clearly didn’t.”   “I’ll start at the beginning, when Keegan left, he left his law book with Turag, which of course he did, guy starts seeing the colour red differently and has an existential morale crisis, this prompts him to leave as if having a man cold and thinks he’s dying so just packs it in to collect himself. Thank the gods Thorfrid’s a girl, she has a problem with the color purple and handles her shit, anyways when he leaves he gives big book of laws to Turag who can barely lift the thing so hands it to me.” Rebecca lifts the big book in front of the camera. “pfft isn’t that just like a guy, (in Rebecca’s sarcastic condescending guy voice) ’here Turag more work for you’ - ‘no… no… I… have… to… much… to… do… give… it… to… a… woman (Rebecca’s voice changes back to her own) cause we don’t have enough to do already. Benna and Thorfrid are kicking ass and me doing the all the healing, but the guy who’s making accessories for Tut as too much work… (Rebecca takes a moment to collect herself) oh I think I missed something. We were in the office of Erin Tarn and killed the spy that was impersonating Erin when this strange guy shows up and sets off the alarms, I say strange because he is gender fluid. When he showed up he was a guy with a message and of course, a group of women with a token man and who does the messenger think is in charge, yup, hands the letter to Turag and in the hour it takes for Turag to read the note ‘This is Nosmo, he’s here to help’ and with the alarms going off Nosmo takes it upon himself to teleport all of us out of Erin Tarns office. Now one would hope there is some kind of surveillance in the office that shows what happened but considering the ineptitude of men and the number of men I have seen in charge of that shit show likely that will get over looked in some stupid excuse as they say a woman died so minimum amount of work on this one guys.”   Rebecca clearly frustrated adjusts her gloves and robes as she tries to calm down, “men are so dense, seriously what are they good for. Even this Nosmo when we first met him he tried fitting in with the group by using his magic to give himself breasts, which is a cool trick and maybe I will learn it someday but for now these beauties are aaaalllll natural” Rebecca does pat her breasts at this point then stops to help Pandora adjust the camera, “Pandora camera up here, camera up here. Have to cut that part out later. Anyways Nosmo being a typical male messed up the spell and Benna was transported to another dimension or time or whatever and in the few minutes it takes to find the mistake and fix it Benna is brought back but now several years older. Now here is where the problem begins, see it was nice that Turag had enough control to not use his bondage tools on young girls but as soon as he sees Benna as woman he attacks her with his bondage crap. So not a pedo but still really Turag, really. Turag tried to say he was trying to target the traveller Benna found and brought back with her but we all know the truth, he went after Benna, what a creeper, which is why I sent him to sit in the corner.” Rebecca looks extra proud of herself at this point thinking back to the control she had over Turag. “And this FNG Benna brought with her is another stuck up guy, who mansplains he can perform magics over the dead and I’m thinking great another stinky mage. Do these people not understand the blind need their smell and having walking dead around is awful, I mean the smell is bad enough but then the flesh falls off the bones and gets on my robes and you know that won’t wash out. But I digress, so the group now has 2 FNG’s. Nosmo the dragon in hiding, who I hope stays in hiding since dragons are as bad as the slavers(Rebecca touches and rubs the brand Alpha used on his slaves reacting as if scars still burned then shakes her head lowering her hand) and the other is a pompous elf necromancer named Lucy something, what is it with necro’s having strange names first Anklet now Lucycrllyn or something.” “I’m sure Benna will make a song about his name sooner or later, that is as soon as she gets over her silly crush on Nosmo. And that brings me to point number two, what is the Castle Refuge policy on inter group relationships? Nosmo friend-zoned the hell out of Benna, probably cause his kind doesn’t want relationships they want concubines and slaves, but Benna was looking at Nosmo the way Thorfrid looks at furry outfits or the way Turag looks at nets and hand cuffs. Might be safe to sign Benna up for a training course on the risks of inter group relations and get Turag into yet another course on respecting women instead of trying to subjugate them. Me, I have to find a way of getting Keegans book repaired, it seems the pages have lost all the braille marks, or maybe its like one of those other books that has ink and colours on the pages so people can hide information from blind people” Rebecca gets up from her seat and walks toward the camera, “thank you Pandora this is so much easier with you here. Now how do we watch and edit it before sending.”

WOMYN POWER!!!

Love the ongoing picture that these logs are creating!

hopefully new guy is ok with Rebecca's attitude, and if not f*ck em, muhahahaha.  Really figured you would like Rebecca picking up that as soon as Turag noticed Benna was a woman he shot his net gun at her, so Turag isn't a pedo which is nice.

This is even better if you use Text-to-Speech to read it to you.  Turag's name is pronounced "Tir-AH-g" according to the machines.  

"How do we watch and edit this before sending"  *Pandora hits a button at random*  <Message Sent in randomized packets to RiftzzFeed> *Saint Rebecca gets $1m cr in ad revenue for the most coherent RiftzzFeed Listicle in its history*

Tir-AH-g is what everyone thinks when Turag speaks....