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LFG that's willing to teach not only a noob, but an idiot as well

I want to play D&D or Pathfinder, but I am far too lazy to read up before I find interest from experience. The only thing I will be bringing to the table is a bad attempt at comedy and at some point I will go out of my way to cast flare to blind a friendly. The first few sessions will probably consist of me making Unforgotten Realms references and being taught how to make a character and how to play. You might think I'm a dick, but at least I'm honest <3
Not sure if you're serious with this. Perhaps watch some streams of people playing, there are some informative ones out there. Good luck finding a group!
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Edited 1427509634
Not looking for watching someone play, I will most definitely fall asleep watching somebody play a board game/RP. Looking for some play time
You're a little insane.
Many DM's (myself included) will shy away from players that don't wanna put in effort or time to learn the system, I'd suggest to find games that are easy to play or quick to learn. To name a few I've played are: Lasers and Feelings, a quick game that requires almost no knowledge about the game before playing. Dawn of Worlds, a game that involved building a world, quick to learn and pretty simple. There are many more out there, I'd also suggest to browse the LFG listing and see if there are any there that fit you, just post on the forum in there and ask to play. Also posting more details would help DM's to find you as well, such as what edition of DND, what timeszones/hours work for you, how often you can play (weekly, monthly, oneshots, every day), what voice systems you have/want to use (skype, teamspeak, text only). Ect... On a side note there are a few systems that you can use a character builder to make a character quickly with, such as DnD 4E, Pathfinder, 3.5 ect... try to Google Character builder for these systems and see what you can find. Happy hunting, hope you find a game to enjoy. ^_^
Kevin. Luck, man. I got one player and we are now closed.