((Laughing. So. Hard.)) "Have you ever huddled for warmth with your arch-nemesis in an inflatable dinghy in the dark on an underground river in the Antarctic? No, no, of course not. Nobody has. That's a dumb question, Leo. Skip that." ... "Sha la la la la la, my oh my, Looks like the Quill's too shy Ain't gonna kiss the girl, Sha la la la la la, ain't that sad, It's such a shame, too bad, I'm gonna miss the girl ..." ... "... so the cave wall suddenly explodes, and I'm hoping it's Dad or Rusty or Amir or Colonel Wittingherm -- Wittgenheim -- the Brit colonel who inserted us, but it's Doctor goddamned Achilles freaking Chin, and I'm realizing I'm just in my boxers and Alycia's in her underwear because the lava level was climbing higher and higher and it's like a hundred and twenty degrees, and he's giving me the stink eye and I realize I'm dead and Alycia's shouting something and Chin is shouting something and it's all in Chinese and I've been blowing off my Chinese lessons and I'm trying to shout that nothing happened and I think I actually shouted something about umbrellas, and then the other cave wall explodes and Dad and Rusty and Amir are all there, and everyone's shouting and there are laser beams, and the next thing I know ..." ... "... everyone wears jeans, y'know? Everyone I know wears jeans. Rusty wears jeans. Dad wears jeans. Rusty's ex, Jasper, wears jeans. Green jeans, but they're still jeans. I wear jeans. Hell, even Alycia wears jeans. Or cargo pants. Everyone wears jeans or cargo pants. Barbara says I should wear Dockers or Slates. But you know what, Leo. I like jeans. Or cargo pants. They're comfortable. And the carbo pants -- cargo pants have pockets, which is important when you're collecting rocks to pour into a big machine to make it explode, you know? Three times I had to do it. Alycia has nice cargo pants. So many pockets ..." ... "How do you solve a problem like Alycia? How do you catch your own arch-nemesis? How do you find a word that means Alycia? A polymath! A villain! A ... cute-something-something! Mad scientist!" ... "... so then I hear this laughter down the tunnel, and it's her, you know? Alycia? And it's not like happy, pleasant, la-la-la little girl laughter, and she's only like ten or eleven at this point, right? And me, too. I think that's how old she was. I always sort of assumed -- anyway, so there's this laughter, but it's this wild, crazy, bwah-ha-ha laughter, right? And this is going on, and on, and each time is different, like she's trying different fiendish laughs, and there are pauses in-between, so then I'm like, ha, I'll show her, and I do this crazy laughter on my end of the tunnel. And then this laser beam ..." ... "Bourbon. Or gin. Depended on where we were. Sometimes vodka. Or rum. Actually, I don't know that he had a preference. Sometimes he'd give me a sip, then Dad would get all pissed off at him." ... "I can never remember what color her eyes are. I mean, half the time it's dark, or smoky, or full of explosions, or lightning bolts, or laser beams. Green? Or maybe purple. Something ... exotic. You know. Gemstones. So hard, sometimes. I mean, like they could cut right through you. Scary. Scaaaaaaaary." ... "Wait, what's the difference between bourbon and whiskey and scotch? I mean, it all tastes like burning, right? I never got that. I like this thing, with the -- pineapple juice? That's pineapple, right? Or mango? So many tropical fruits, and the monkeys are always stealing them from you and then chittering like assholes. And the little umbrellas? I always loved those things. I used to collect them, I had, like, this collection of little umbrellas from the different virgin drinks they'd buy us. Dad usually had drinks with umbrellas, too, and I'd take his umbrellas, too." ... "Green. Definitely green. Is that unusual?" ... "You know, a woman who knows how to shoot a laser beam, or electrovolteration zappy thing sort of thing, or a rocket-purple ... rocket-propelled grenade ... that's really scary. I mean, even when she's not shooting them at you, you know? But it's kind of -- well, it's kind of sexy, too, you know? Like that old gal in the Aliens movie? The one in Defenders ? "Stay away from her, bitch!" I just wish she ... wouldn't ... would ... you know ...? She's just so angry, angry angry angry. Too angry. You know, I get angry, too. But never as angry as she is. Stupid angry. Maybe she needs to find a girlfriend to take her out for a drink or two, too, too. Like me. A friend to have a drink. Do you think she'd like umbrellas? Alycia, not her girlfriend. God, you don't think she's a lesbian, do you? I mean, that's cool, whatever, but, God, that would be so embarrassing." ... "Or purple. Definitely green or purple. I think. What were we talking about?"
