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A Close Shave

“Now then,” Charella said, wiping coal dust from her goggles. “Let’s introduce you to the rest of the crew of the Tinker’s Damn.” She turned and gestured to the elder gnome male in the cab next to her, who was eyeing the adventurers with suspicion. “This skinflint you’ve met already – Uncle Boddynock Nackle, our purser and Gadgeteer-General.” Nackle’s whiskers twitched and he grunted a greeting. “Up on the foremounts are our tracklayers Orryn and Warryn Snowtracker,” Charella said, indicating the two young gnomes tethered to the train’s crane boom. They waved energetically at the adventurers. “Our guards are Uppendown Tallcrippler and Tervaround Hollysharp, who your friend brought back from the dead,” Charella said. “And bringing up the rear is our cannoneer Fruward Shortcloak.” Fruward waved sheepishly. “Sorry about the mess,” he said, pointing at the pile of snow and ice that now filled the mountain pass. “A pleasure, I’m sure,” Siegfried said. “Now then,” Theryn said. “Where were you headed?” Theryn noted that Nackle gave Charella a severe look and a slight shake of his head. Charella shrugged, affecting nonchalance. “Oh, you know, just down the mountain.” Theryn frowned. “More specifically, please?” Nackel shook his head more forcefully this time. “Our business is our business, and I’ll thank you not to stick your nose in too deep.” “Well perhaps you can assist us in locating a landmark of some note,” Siegfried said. He pulled out his sketchbook and sketched a drawing of the mountain that Theryn had mentioned in his recounting of the Orc prophecy that had haunted his dreams. He showed the finished product to Charella. “Seen a mountain that looks like this? At one time its surface ran with blood?” Charella looked at the parchment, and then traded a look with Nackle. She shrugged again. “Well, a lot of these mountains look alike, you know what I mean?” She waved her hand at the mountain range that ran to the horizon. It was Siegfried’s turn to shrug. He knelt down to where the dwarf lay sniveling on the deck. “How about you, does this look familiar?” The dwarf squirmed against his chains. “Can ye…can ye fetch me reading glasses? They’re in me top pocket.” Siegfried smiled and deftly withdrew the glasses from the dwarf’s overcoat, setting them atop his nose. The dwarf looked at the parchment and then gave Siegfried a look, magnified by the thick lenses of his glasses. “What d’ye want to be going there fer?” “Ah, so you do recognize it!” Siegfried said, shutting his sketchbook. “Maybe?” the dwarf replied warily. “Well then,” Siegfried said. “I don’t believe I caught your name?” “Stragger,” the dwarf said, a hint of prideful steel creeping back into his voice. “Stragger Forgebar of Clan Forgebar.” “Well met, Stragger Forgebar of Clan Forgebar,” Siegfried said, prestidigitating a leather strap and a straight razor. He began stropping the blade on the strap. “It seems to me that all that fuzz on your chin is fogging up your memory.” He pulled out a small canister of Thann-branded shaving cream. “Speaking from personal experience I never feel right until after my morning shave.” “Now wait a minute,” Stragger said in a strangled voice. “Don’t be hasty. It’s just that ye don’t want to be going there, y’see. It’s off limits to all right-thinking folk.” “Oh, by all means keep talking,” Siegfried said, preparing a bib around Stragger’s neck. “The longer you talk, the longer your beard shall grow. Cut the conversation off, and, well…” Theryn took a moment to take Uncle Nackle’s measure. It was clear to the monk that Nackle, despite his subordinate position to the Boiler Boss and Shop Steward, was in a leadership position of sorts on this crew, and likely answered to someone higher back at the gnomes’ point of origin, and was cautioning Charella not to give away more information away than necessary. “So,” Theryn said. “You were heading down the mountain but came under attack from these mounted raiders.” Nackle and Charella nodded. “It seems to me that you’re used to sheltering under the broad boughs of the evergreen, only a dangerous amount of snow has built up on the branches above, and the weight will soon become unbearable. Why not allow us to help lighten your load?” “Yes,” Siegfried said. “What the monk said.” Nackle’s whiskers twitched. “Fine. If you must know, we were on our way to Leilon.” “Ah, of course,” Siegfried said. “Lovely little town Home to miners and a caravan stop on the High Road from Waterdeep to Neverwinter and parts beyond.” He turned to Alec and Theryn. “And it’s near where we want to go.” “And what’s in Leilon?” Theryn asked. “Commerce, mostly,” Charella said. She pointed at Stragger. “So, you gonna shave the dwarf or what?” “Yes, back to our good friend Stragger here,” Siegfried said, turning back to the trussed up dwarf. “Let me give you some friendly advice. When your life, or the life of your beard, is in the hands of another, it’s your job to give him a reason to not do what he has threatened to do to you…or your beard. Point being, you must find a way to be more amusing than the show you’ve otherwise been providing, otherwise your audience-” he indicated Charella- “gets bored of your flailing and stonewalling. So, will you entertain me with information about this mystery mountain, or will you entertain this audience of gnomes with an increasingly bare chin?” He took the razor and with a surgeon’s precision sliced a single hair in half, which curled away in two pieces to drift out onto the snowbank. “Stonefang!” Stragger blurted out. “It’s Mount Stonefang ye seek!” “Stonefang!” Siegfried smiled and pulled the razor back. “Why, Stragger Forgebar, our conversation is going to well I think I may just go into business as a barber after all!” “Please hark me words,” Stragger said. “I don’t go there – none of Clan Forgebar goes there, y’see! We don’t visit that particular peak, nor walk into the shadow of its devilish valley!”   Bob opened his eyes to a sea of inky blackness. He was cold, and his feet splashed in waters that reflected the darkness back twofold. He could sense a spirit moving over the face of the waters. He was not alone. Perhaps now you have reached the beginning of understanding , the tired voice rang out. I protect my children, to the best of my ability. There was a flickering at the periphery of Bob’s vision, and it seemed like if he could just turn his head faster, he’d be able to see who was talking to him, but he could not fix his eyes on the blurred shape. Grandfather Dragon? Bob asked. Am I one of your children, or are you still talking about the gnomes? You are full of interesting questions, young one. As for children, I was old when Netheril was young, boy. I have seen kingdoms rise and fall, rise and fall on the earth wiping each other away over and over like a palimpsest. But I have had time to reflect, and remember Emerius. Emerius remembers you, Bob replied. But I am so tired, the voice said. I left a piece of myself in Emerius, and perhaps now that piece has come home. Home? Bob replied, his pulse racing. Is home nearby? In a manner of speaking. I have called many places home. These mountains. Neverwinter. Even for a time in Emerius. Long have I protected my children as though they were hearth and home. My ancestor was there in Emerius when the slaves broke free , Bob said. Yes, Robert Trevelyan, I remember. I was once enslaved myself, and took pity on the slaves of Emerius. What is your name? Bob asked. Your forefathers knew me as Andusk, the voice said. There was a bargain. A piece of myself, secreted safe and secure far from my dangerous home, in return for your ancestors’ freedom from enslavement. Now, centuries later, that piece has found its way across the deserts, the mountains, the forest, back to me after all this time. I have stretched myself too thin for too long, I feel myself drifting between the planes, but with your arrival, perhaps you are my anchor to this world. There was a pause as though something had distracted Andusk. My children! You must save my children! Only then can we continue this conversation. There was a sudden ferocity in the voice. Who are your children? Bob asked. We saved the train from raiders this day, I think. I have long protected my children in Ieirithymbul, the voice of Andusk said, ragged and tired, as though the intensity of its exclamation had sapped its strength. But my sons are now in grave danger! I cannot see my sons! Something has happened to them! Even I cannot be in two places at once. Go now. Go to Ieirthymbul and save my sons! Bob’s eyes fluttered open. He was back in the mountains, seated atop the armored carapace of the gnome train engine. “Did we win?” he asked aloud. He got to his feet and staggered towards the train’s cab. He saw Siegfied holding a razor to the cheek of a frightened dwarf. “Oh, hi Bob!” Siegfried called cheerily. “Siegfried’s about to shave a dwarf,” Alec said. “What do you have there, Siegfried?” Bob asked. “Apparently a dwarf who would very much not like to be our travel guide in the mountains,” Siegfried said with mock sadness. “It’s all I can do to refrain from shaving his chin clean, in exchange for some helpful information.” It seemed to Siegfried that the dwarf was genuinely afraid of Mount Stonefang. “Listen, it’s tradition in our clan to avoid that place entirely!” Stragger said. “It’s a dark place in our history, our stories and tradition. Even the youngest members of our clan know better than to tread upon that cursed orc graveyard!” “Now we’re getting somewhere,” Siegfried said, patting Stragger’s cheek with the flat of his straight razor blade. He prestidigitated the foamy shaving cream off the dwarf’s chin and sat down next to Bob. “Glad you’re feeling okay, Bob.” Siegfried said. “I think we should hand our prisoner over to the gnomes and let them deal with him. After all, he’s their enemy, not ours.” Bob was itching some fresh golden scales on his forearms. “I spoke to him, Siegfried. I spoke to a dragon. He told me he was there when my city, Kirkwall, was founded. Back when it was a slave port known as Emerius. He said his name was Andusk, and that his sons were in trouble in Ieirithymbul.” Nackle’s eyes widened. “Ieirthymbul? Where did you hear that name?” “From the dragon,” Bob said. “What dragon?” Nackle said. On the floor of the train engine, Stragger sucked in his breath. “The Unseen Protector!” he blurted. “What are you talking about?” Charella chirped. “Oh, I’m sure Stragger here will be delighted to tell us,” Siegfried said. “If it keeps the hair on me chinny chin chin, then yes,” Stragger replied. He nodded at the gnomes. “These gnomes hail from Ieirithymbul.” “You shut your damned mouth, beardy!” Nackle said, brandishing his thunder cannon. “We Forgebar dwarves and the Ieirithyn gnomes have been at war for generations.” Stragger said, glaring at Nackle and Charella. “These gnomes just sit on a vast fortune, a vasty fortune of precious metals, but do they trade with their fellow short races? No! They lug a piece of it down to the longlegs in Leilon whenever they fancy, and leave us to moil in the mountains. That ain’t right, we Forgebar say. So we march on Ieirithymbul to make them see the error of their miserly ways, but every time, we are attacked and beaten back by an invisible golden dragon, their Unseen Protector!” “How can you see an invisible golden dragon!?” Siegfried and Nackle blurted out in unison, and shared a look with each other.   “I’ve heard the Unseen Protector is a gnome wizard who watches over us,” Charella offered. “You shut your yapper, child!” Nackle said. “There’s no use in spreading supersititions!” Siegfried stood up to his full height, towering over gnome and dwarf alike. “Excuse me, but do you see my good friend Bob here?” Nackle, Charella, and Stragger nodded. “Finding out about the Unseen Protector is the most important thing he has done in his entire life,” Siegfried continued. “I ask you now to be generous with your knowledge, your lore, your oral traditions, superstitions and suppositions, or mark me as I grind these mountains into pebbles and gravel in the search for more information. Bob here needs to know this. Do not for one moment underestimate my ability to be creative in getting what my friend needs from you.” Normal 0 false false false EN-CA ZH-CN X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} Nackle, Charella, and Stragger were taken aback. Then they all started talking.
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“Now, I’m not going to say it’s not supernatural luck that we gnomes have had in defending ourselves from the dwarves over the years,” Nackle said. “Maybe our gnomish ingenuity has played a part.” “If he’s unseen, how did you see him?” Charella asked. “It’s a dragon!” Stragger raged. “You all saw the shadow of the wings on the snow earlier! I’ve seen my brothers, my uncles, my granduncles chewed and swallowed in that beastly creature’s invisible mouth with me own eyes!” “Yes, we did see strange shadows on the mountainside,” Siegfried admitted. “And I didn’t even want to be on this run!” Stragger continued. “We’ve lost so many good men in fruitless assaults, we were content to beat our axes into miner’s picks, but we were told different! We were promised the Unseen Protector wouldn’t be a factor this time. We-” Stragger stopped short. “Oh dear, I’ve said too much.” Siegfried smiled darkly. “Such generosity! Assuming of course you weren’t speaking in metaphor.” He held out two hands. Atop one palm was a tin of Thann shaving cream. Atop the other was a tin of Thann beard wax. “Now then Stragger, this can go one of two ways.” Stragger sighed heavily. “It was the drow,” he said. “The drow who hired us told us the dragon wouldn’t harass us on this raid.” “A drow hired you?” Siegfried asked. “Yes, check me pockets,” Stragger said. Siegfried fished around in the dwarf’s pockets and came up with a handful of platinum coins. “Well then,” he said, eyeing the coins. “Unless I miss my guess, these are Elvish ruendils.” He nodded to Bob. “I believe you’ve seen these sorts of coins before.” Bob nodded. “In the pockets of the Cragmaw goblins, and in the purses of the Orcs we fought at Wyvern Tor.” Siegfried was flipping through the notes that Radegast had given him. “So, we have a Drow who has hired goblins and orcs with ancient Elvish coin to do his dirty work.” He looked over at Stragger. “Tell me, have you heard of the Rockseeker dwarves?” “Can’t say that I have,” Stragger admitted. “Ah well, that would have been too convenient,” Siegfried said. He found a scrap of parchment that the party had recovered from beneath Tresendar Manor. “Did this drow who hired you wear this symbol?” Stragger squinted at the note, which was signed with the sigil of a black spider. “Yes, he carried a staff with that symbol sculpted atop it.” “I daresay the Black Spider may be behind this mischief,” Siegfried said. “Nezznar,” Bob growled. “And where exactly did you encounter this drow?” Siegfried asked Stragger. “Back at the ol’ homestead,” Stragger said. “Less than a tenday ago.” “Nezznar’s been busy, hasn’t he?” Siegfried said to Bob. Bob nodded. “The Unseen Protector said he couldn’t be in two places at once.” “If we find the Unseen Protector, then we’re going to find Nezznar.” Siegfried said. Bob and Siegfried shared an impromptu secret handshake.   High above the mountain, a giant eagle and a flying paladin flew wingtip to wingtip. “Where are we going?” Varien called to the wildshaped druid. Birdwen jerked his head towards a cliff that cut across a steep mountainside. To the druid’s dismay, when the two flew overhead, there was no trace of the humanoid figure he had sworn he’d noticed earlier. No tracks, no depressions. Nothing but virgin snow. There’s some sort of fuckery going on here, Birdwen thought to himself. “If there’s nothing here, I’m heading back!” Varien called to the giant eagle. Birdwen nodded as Varien banked away and looped back towards the train. He did a slow figure eight as he pulled back as well, looking back every few seconds at the spot where he had seen the shadowy figure. I know you’re there , the druid thought to himself.   Theryn decided to satisfy his curiosity by checking out the train cars. Uppendown Tallcrippler blocked his way. “Where do you think you’re going?” the gnome asked. “I do believe we’re owed a tour of your fine train,” Theryn said. “Or shall we call the dragon back?” Uppendown blanched. “Yeah, I said it,” Theryn said. Nackle sighed and tugged on his mutton chops. “Well, since we’re all suddenly such good friends, I don’t suppose it would do any harm,” he waved at the guard to let the monk pass while grabbing a logbook and quill. “But this is all going in my report. I am submitting to demands under duress…” he muttered. Uppendown worked the clockwork lock and opened the hatch into the first carriage. Theryn ducked down and worked his way inside, looking around. The car was stacked floor-to-ceiling with pallets, atop which were piled ingots of copper and iron. They were expertly secured with thick leather straps held down by ratcheting locks. “Quite a haul here,” Theryn said over his shoulder to the guard. Uppendown couldn’t suppress a prideful smile. “We work hard,” he said. Charella looked at Bob, a curious expression on her face. “You said that the Unseen Protector told you he couldn’t be in two places at once?” Bob nodded. Charella grew concerned. “But he usually either defends us on our trade missions to Leilon, or defends our village against attackers.” Bob nodded again. “He said something like ‘my sons, my sons’ and departed from me in a rush.” “It sounded like he was in a hurry to get somewhere else,” Charella said. “Like our home.” “The drow promised the Unseen Protector would be otherwise occupied,” Stragger said. “It seems like the drow sold us down the mountain.” “The drow is more likely attacking your homestead, perhaps as we speak,” Siegfried said. “How long has it been since you left home?” “Two days,” Charella said. “The train is slow going down the mountain.” “Then your home might have been attacked at any point since your departure,” Siegfried said. “If the Unseen Protector was here, then he couldn’t be there.” Charella paled at the thought. “There’s no way we can get back there in time to do any good.” “But we can!” Varien said as he landed on the train. “I can give the power of flight to a few of you.” He looked about. “Where’s that druid? I thought he’d have flown back by now.” In the distance, a giant eagle was looping over the mountain slope. “Do you have a signal mirror?” Varien asked. Nackle handed one over and the paladin flashed sunlight in the druid’s direction, hoping that Erwen would understand the intent of the message. “Now then,” Varien said, turning back to Siegfried. He slapped at the straight razor. “Stop playing with your food.” “Yes, well this has been a most fruitful conversation,” Siegfried said to Stragger, beginning to untie the dwarf. “Varien, I wouldn’t if you wouldn't mind laying on some hands to heel our lame and limping acquaintance.” He indicated the grisly kneecap that lay nearby. Varien sighed and pressed the kneecap back into position, intoning a prayer of healing. “The power of Sune compels you,” he said. “to rise up and walk.” Stragger gingerly got to his feet. “Thank ‘ee,” he said. “I do believe you owe these good gnomes an apology.” Varien continued. “Since your companions paid for their foolishness with their lives, I daresay the two factions here are even.” Stragger looked at the adventurers’ weaponry and then back to the gnomes. “Ach, yes, very sorry about that, yes, I feel bad about the part I played in this shameful exercise.” Siegfried suppressed a chuckle at the dwarf’s half-hearted and insincere apology. Anything to keep that beard on his face , he thought. Varien ignited a torch, which he gave to the dwarf. “Now then, don’t go picking on any more gnomes if you know what’s good for you.” Stragger nodded. “I’ve more than learned me lesson, believe me. I’m a new dwarf.” Siegfried handed Stragger back his axe. “And I’ll tell you what. When we get to Ieirithymbul I’ll look into liberalizing their trade laws. Open trade is a good thing. I’ll see what I can do.”   He stepped off the train and turned back to the adventurers. “I’d like to say thank-” There was a flash of feathers as a giant eagle tore past, grabbing up the dwarf in its talons. “No!” shouted Siegfried in dismay. “Erwen, you shadowfelling-” “Eh, birdie, what the hell are you playing at?” Stragger shouted as he was dragged into the sky. Birdwen arced upwards as high as he could fly, and with gleeful abandon let go of the struggling dwarf. The stocky dwarf dropped like a stone, his arms pinwheeling. “I’ve got him!” Theryn said. The monk ran swiftly at full speed and then launched himself into the air, leaping skyward with his step of the wind ability. It wasn’t enough. The dwarf fell past Theryn, who was floating down with his slow fall ability. Siegfried called upon his magical reserves and did the only thing he could – cast polymorph. He turned the flailing dwarf into a giant eagle, who unsteadily began flapping its wings as it tumbled down. Catching the wind, the eagle suddenly soared aloft once again, screeched a guttural screech, and headed southeast, shrinking to a small black dot on the horizon. “Well, that was entertaining,” Charella said. “Now then, you’ll want to head southeast to the Felrenden valley. You can’t miss the three mountains that shelter Ieirithymbul.” Bob nodded. He had a sudden sense of exactly where to go. “You’re not going to turn about and join us?” Siegfried asked. Charella shook her head. “We have a mission to carry out, and if our village is in distress, then the trade goods we pick up in Leilon will be welcome when we arrive as a relief train.” Siegfried nodded. Charella turned to Nackle. “Uncle, work up some travel papers for our friends please. No use in there being any surprises at the gate.” Nackle sighed. “Nice secret homestead we had, once upon a time.” He filled out the requisite paperwork. “So, you’re looking for the Felrenden valley, about 54 miles southeast of here as the eagle flies,” Charella said with a wink. “And don’t trust your eyes too much. Things ain’t exactly what they seem in the valley.” Siegfried nodded again. Nackle handed Charella the writ of passage. Charella slapped it into Siegfried’s hand. “And tell ‘em Charella sent you!” Siegfried smiled. “We will do just that.” Erwen did a loop-de-loop and came in for a landing and dropped his wildshape, looking frustrated at the turn of events. Siegfried glared at the Halfling. “Why, hello there, short stuff!” Charella said with a leering grin. Erwen blushed. “Small man,” Siegfried said, letting bygones be bygones. “Can you conjure some flying friends to take us to the southeast?” Erwen nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off Charella. He waved his hands and a flock of giant eagles appeared to carry the adventurers to their destination. Siegfried couldn’t help but notice that his eagle was much shabbier, mangy and decrepit than his companions’ mounts.   From high up on the mountain cliff, a humanoid figure suddenly winked into existence. The green-skinned humanoid finished pulling the hood of her magical cloak down from her head as she watched several giant eagles take flight from the roof of the gnomish steam train, wheeling about and heading southeast towards Mount Phaeldar, Mount Stemhelm, and Mount Ardabad. The steam train slowly began to lay track to the northwest, chugging dutifully along as it continued on its way. The faint echoes of a gnomish working song reached the woman’s ears. There was a growl beside her as a great white-furred bear dug itself free from a protective cover of snow. The huntress climbed up onto the creature’s back and began to follow the eagles.