MCs: Caligari, Cough Weather: Zadium Manager: Mengsk Visitors: All The Children Broadcast 1: Cal: Goooood moooorning, Galaxyyyy! Cough: *intense coughing* Cal: Whoa there, Cough, take it easy, it's only our first ever broadcast! Cough: *hacking cough, sound of something falling on the ground* Cal: Well while we wait for my pardner to pick up his useless corpse from the floor, let's go to introductions! I, of course, am the one and only, MC Caligari, your main host for today. If you haven't heard of me, you haven't been paying attention to the main show on all the channels, and should feel bad! -Indistinct clattering sounds- Cal: All joking aside, I am really proud to be here, to have been given the opportunity to host this one-of-a-kind show! And that show is..? * RADIO WE ARE DEAD FM * Cal: Yes indeed! We are those fortunate enough to have been gotten killed during the travails of our main show's contestants! But you shouldn't feel bad, we sure as frak don't! Hahaha! Cough: We don't feel anything anymore. *cough* Cal: Verily, 'tis true! If I could feel, the hole in my head would make radio broadcasting quite impossible. But that wouldn't just be right, would it? Radio, and 'vox' for those from other parts of the Galaxy, must go on! Cough: *cough* They wouldn't let it stop. *cough* -Short silence- Cal: Haha! Yes, and with that, let's take a look into the past of the main show, now, quickly. Ha! Yes! -Sound of shuffling papers- Cal: Ah, here we are. The first mission of the main show! Caza. Caze? Cazeraus! And what a marvelous clusterfrak it turned out to be. Cough: They really managed to *cough* turn a whole planet to a wasteland, didn't *cough* they? Cal: Apparently, mmhm. Let's see, let's see. Lots of dead, mutants getting wasted on big guns, oh my. It seems our dear friend Grendel was having a grand ol' time riling up the big bad boys and girls of the Ecclesiarchy! Well done there, Grendel! Escalation is always a fun thing to watch for our viewers! Cough: Shame about *cough* the collateral damage. Cal: Collateral shmollateral. It's a constant in the main show, the viewers don't care. It's all about the action! The subterfuge! The betrayals and heartthrobs! Cough: The collateral *cough* might disagree. -Sound of something breaking, with a loud 'ouch'- Cal: No-one is asking them, so shut it. Ha! Now, let's see let's see. After they thoroughly nuked.. Cough: It was only *cough-ow-cough* Mengsk who nuked it, to be fair. Cal: After -Mengsk- nuked the planet, they went off to.. Let's see.. Some shrine world or another, made a right mess of things, caused a riot, found some xenos, banished a daemon prince, blah blah. Ah! And that's where we enter the picture! Cough: I don't really remember much about *cough* that. Cal: You were a right hothead, ha ha! You charged at the Blank, and got K.O.'d right away! We only managed to wake you up after he'd hauled us to the Inquisitor's ship. Quite an induction! Cough: *wracking coughs* Cal: And with that amazing piece of advice from our very own Cough, we go to the weather! We have quite the weatherman here on We Are Dead FM! Now, Cough.. Cal and Cough: We are proud to present to you, Zadiom Sethe! -A whirring sound is heard, followed by muffled footsteps- Zadiom: It's me, heretics. With the weather. -A tapping sound ensues, echoing- Zadiom: In Askellon sector, we will be having three freak warpstorms originating from the Screaming Vortex, and slowly moving towards the Fringe. So everyone with holiday plans with heretical exploration in mind, beware! And in the Ultramar sector, there will be a dozen Tyranid raids, on planets to be announced after they have been raided. For other sectors, please refer to our website, heretics. That is all for the weather. -Muffled screams and the sound of fire from a distant pit- Cal: How about that, listeners! Warpstorms! It's not like we have those often or anything, eh, Cough? Cough: *wheeze* Must be the season. I heard the Eye is planning another Black Crusade. Cal: Oh my, oh my! Are you sure it isn't those dastardly, but lovable, Q'Sal? Cough: They're too busy trying to *cough* write a book on an immaterial substance made out of daemon-vellum. It keeps screaming and eating the words. *cough* Cal: Ha! And that is all we have time for today, so for today's coup de grace, have a picture of a burning squirrel eating through planetary crust, dooming all of the inhabitants to a slow and hot death. This image will be directly transmitted to your mind, so you cannot avoid it! This has been Cal.. Cough: And *wracking coughs, spluttering sounds* Cal: And you have been listening to We Are Dead FM! Have a marvellous day!
