finding groups to join: Is this common?

GiGs said: Can I second this? This seems like a useful discussion and it would be nice for it to be labelled well. Perhaps like this Is this common: F inding groups to join It has already been moved to a new subforum. At least keeping the start of the title the same will help people keeping track of it.

I posted something   earlier but I guess it didn’t go through (due to the “are you a robot” checklist). I think this isn’t a Roll20 issue, it’s an Internet issue: its easy to ghost people you don’t know very well and haven’t met in person. Player flaking on games came up in this thread  on Fate Corps , a Fate community on Roll20, and it’s a similar issue. I am mostly a GM on Roll20 and usually run 4-6 session mini-campaigns, usually not 5e games. I have had complete player turnover even for these 4-6 session games. I inform my people when I am going to be late or have to miss a session and usually do that for the big three commitments that supersede entertainment: family, work or health. My attitude is that gaming is important to me so I treat it as such, recognizing that others have different priorities. That means I spend time fishing for players and figure that people will drop out of my games as a fact of internet culture. Keep searching, it is a good hobby and very fun. The internet opened more opportunities than any time in the past. Best of luck on your future gaming endeavors!

I haven't been online on roll20 for a while, and that's mainly because of "real life happened" issues. So I have a lot of empathy for people who have to drop out or cancel a game (both as DM and as player). The annoying bit imho is not the fact that they drop out, but how  they drop out. It should be common courtesy to give an explanation to the other players and the DM why you have to cancel, and the more time the other people invested into the game already, the more of an explanation you owe. It's sign of lack of respect and a bad character if you don't answer, ghost or kick someone without any explanation. Again, sometimes life happens. But that doesn't give one an excuse to be a d*ck. I'm a DM in two RL campaigns right now, and a player in a third. In one of the campaigns I run, I had two players cancelling nearly at the same time, because one player had several long business travels, and the other one got pregnant. Both players came to me early and said that they would like to continue somewhen in the future, but right now are unable to attend because of reasons mentioned. So I put the game "on hold" for two weeks, and explained to the other players why we have a break and how and when we will continue. The break gave me some time to think how I want to change the story to adapt to the situation. It also allowed me to bring in a "guest" player who wanted to dip his toes into D&D waters. I'm telling this to show that you can drop out of a game, cancel or postpone with mutual respect and without being "that guy". 

Shaun S. said: I'm new to the community but not tabletop rpgs. I attempted to join a game, submitted app, got invite, got invite for discord. There was very little if any communication so I'm pretty confident it wasn't something I said... as I hadn't said much at all. Three days before game is scheduled to begin, I get removed from the game with no explanation. With no response to my query as to why. The game was not canceled, I can still see it in the list. But I've been blocked from it. This has made me very hesitant to put any time or effort into a second attempt. So far this Roll20 thing has been a very rough experience for me. Starting to think Roll20 may only be useful as VTT I use with my actual table group. How did it go, Shaun? Did you find a game?

Ravenknight said: Shaun S. said: I'm new to the community but not tabletop rpgs. I attempted to join a game, submitted app, got invite, got invite for discord. There was very little if any communication so I'm pretty confident it wasn't something I said... as I hadn't said much at all.  Honestly, this is likely to be the issue. In the best groups, the GM will talk to you a fair bit before the game starts, asking you stuff about your experience, and play style, to figure out if you are a good fit for the group. The fact this GM said nothing meant he wasnt invested in you as a player - maybe he didnt like your application, maybe he had more submisisons and just kept the ones he felt most compatible with. He ghosted you, because that's easy, and honestly, you are probably better off. If he cant have the decency to tell you he isnt accepting you, he's not likely to be very responsive during play, and not very good at managing conflicts. So I'd chalk this up to a blessing - it frees you up to look for a better group. Something I'd suggest for the future: when you send an application, ask a few questions about the GM's experience, and what their playstyle is. Start a dialogue without being pushy, show you're interested, and give the GM a chance to see you are an engaged and interesting player. 

Arthur B said: . It should be common courtesy to give an explanation to the other players and the DM why you have to cancel, I have tried an alternative approach in two of my currant games, that I think has worked well: The policy is that I don't need to know WHY you are late (or absent), as long as I know THAT you are. (and players shall not interrogate each other) The reasons might be very personal, related to health, loved-ones or economy and I don't feel  entitled to that information. I also believe that in many cases when people stop communicating because it would make them feel embarrassed or exposed. Instead I have  posted a general statement that we accept the random, unexpected nature of life. So far I feel that it has worked well: whenever they are late/absent I get a notification...and that is pretty much all I need.

That's an excellent approach.

In any game I run, I have posted some group rules and one of the rules is Consistently be a reliable player. Miss multiple sessions without advance warning (post in the Tavern Chatter OOC thread), you will be assumed to have quit the game and removed from the game. That is rule 3 of 5 group rules.These 5 rules are something that I consistently used for each of my games.  When someone posts interest in my game, they always get an acknowledgement of their post. Understand that I do not use the LFG listing either but instead make a forum post about my game and respond to that thread. After invites are sent to those accepted, I make a general thread post stating invites are sent to the accepted players and a thank you for everyone applying. After that is is handled in the game itself. If a player leaves the game, I renew the LFG forum post for another player or few.

GiGs said: Ravenknight said: Shaun S. said: I'm new to the community but not tabletop rpgs. I attempted to join a game, submitted app, got invite, got invite for discord. There was very little if any communication so I'm pretty confident it wasn't something I said... as I hadn't said much at all.  Honestly, this is likely to be the issue. In the best groups, the GM will talk to you a fair bit before the game starts, asking you stuff about your experience, and play style, to figure out if you are a good fit for the group. The fact this GM said nothing meant he wasnt invested in you as a player - maybe he didnt like your application, maybe he had more submisisons and just kept the ones he felt most compatible with. He ghosted you, because that's easy, and honestly, you are probably better off. If he cant have the decency to tell you he isnt accepting you, he's not likely to be very responsive during play, and not very good at managing conflicts. So I'd chalk this up to a blessing - it frees you up to look for a better group. Something I'd suggest for the future: when you send an application, ask a few questions about the GM's experience, and what their playstyle is. Start a dialogue without being pushy, show you're interested, and give the GM a chance to see you are an engaged and interesting player.  I was accepted and got invite to discord. I asked about character sheets, he made some and assigned one to me. So I made my character as described in my app. Got every thing done except stats and everything that derives from them. I was hoping to roll stats, which was pretty obvious when you looked at my sheet. Perhaps he wanted to do point buy or array? and or perhaps he expected that to be done already? Didn't want to talk to me about it and instead just removed me from the game? I was very prompt about getting my sheet ready and communication on my side was also prompt. Perhaps I was to organized for him? Admittedly he didn't seem very organized and as well as seemed new to DMing. I also picked the back story for the premade rogue in the LMoP adventure (that is what he was planning to run). Perhaps he didn't want to use the premade chars? I've got a ton of questions about possible reason why... Just wish I had a chance to ask even a couple of them lol.