Session 420 (Special Mission): My Bad, To Put It Bluntly (AKA Stuck In The Weeds) Expedition Members: Jannis Fisker; Brecht Fighter, lvl 10 (Physh) Nousha; Tabaxi Monk, lvl 6 (Depraved Lunatic) "So... um, where to start. I think, oh yeah. So the plan was to head out to this place called Inverness. It was a keep. No, wait, that was the Bindier place. A tower, yeah, it was a tower! We were going after a thing called the Soul Glow or some shite like that. But the only Coho that showed up for the road trip was this crazy cat chick named Nousha. She was, like, pretty green in the gills if you know what I mean, but proved to be, like, pretty good with a bow and whip. Oh man, it was like the whip was her tail! I am so blown away right now! Any way, since everyone else, you know, bailed, we didn't have the resources to really, like, take on the tower? So, instead we decided to go look for a lost Dwarven civilization... Damn, I knew what it was called, but I can't remember. Was my spear always that bright gold? I thought it was duller than that. It looks like the sun, man! Every time I hurl it, it is like I'm throwing the sun! Where did I put that sausage..." There appears to be a few oily stains on the pages, and the parchment smells like blood sausage. "So... ah.. The plan was to head out to this place called Inver... No, wait. I covered that. I think. Oh yeah, we headed to Djafra to look for this ancient dwarf city or something. After doing a quick tour of the markets, we headed... South? Or was it South East? Somewhere in between? Definitely in a southern direction towards the southern mountain range. On the first day, we saw a carriage, but it was like being pulled by a pair of giant scorpions! Man, I hate those things. Nousha asked if we should high tail it, but I told her to... um, I told her to give it wide berth but like stick to the road still. As it approached us it stopped. The first thing I saw was her face, she was so beautiful... Dusky eyes, like perfectly painted red lips, a sly smile... then I saw her left arm was a scorpion claw and I was like NOPE. Despite her arm, though, she was like totally cool. She just asked for directions to Djafra, and I was all like, the city or province, because we were already like right in the middle of the province, but she said city so I told her to keep going north. She then handed me a gold coin with images of scorpions on both sides. As she turned to get into her carriage, I saw like this red and black scorpion tail under her skirts. Can't say that was really a turn on. Still, I don't know her intentions, but she should definitely someone the Cohort keeps an eye on, either as an ally or a potential threat. We had, like, a LOT of small scorpions around the camp that night. Maybe they were attracted to the coin? Maybe the coin held them at bay? Not really sure b..." More blood sausage stains. "Not really sure, but they didn't bother us really. We got some really good sleep and kept moving at first light. The third day we saw less of the little scorps, but then the coin got all glowy for some reason. I flipped it in the air and caught it (awesome catch, btw), and while it was in the air, it was like it was a golden scorpion thing, but went back to being, like, a coin when it... um... landed on my hand. So I did it again and let it fall, and when it touched the ground... Like, wow. It wasn't a coin, man, it was a giant scorp! Wasn't aggressive toward us or anything. It just like, stood there, and let me pet it. After a minute, it went back to being a coin, but one of the scorpion images was missing now. We know what that does now, right? Wait... um, this was day two, not three. On day three, we entered the woods and made our way towards the southern tip of the mountain... um, the mountain... the mountains. As we got ready to make camp for the night, we saw a campfire in the distance. I tied up Franz, then Nousha and I snuck up to observe. There was an Anuirean woman who was playing music and singing, and like three Khinasi guys dressed like mercenaries or brigands. Hard to tell. We, like, approached the camp? At first they were all like, 'hey, we're here for the treasure so back off', and I was all like, 'what treasure, man, what are you talking about', and they were all like 'we followed this map and we're gonna get the treasure', and then I was like 'Oh man, you need us. We're all badass and stuff, give us a share and we'll help', and the Khinasi were all like 'who are you, man', but then the Anuirean woman was all like whispering in the leader's ear, and then he was like 'okay, man, we're cool'. I didn't really trust them? But I knew we could handle them if they like tried to cause any hassle. That evening, while Nousha was on guard duty, I got woken up by grunting, and yelling and stuff. Totally ruined this really weird dream I was having about that scorp chick. Anyways, I get out of my tent and Omar, Rashad, Cidro and Nousha were all fighting these things... they were like clods of earth with feet and grass on top... but they had big mouth, with sharp pointy teeth and they look all pissed off. We make pretty quick work of them, and then Faelen starts like gathering the grass from their heads, and I was like 'whaaaat?'. And then she, like, took the grass and rolled it into a paper, and was all like 'smoke this, man', and I was like 'whaaaat?', but then I smoked it and it was sooooooooooooooooooo relaxing. Really made me think about things, you know? In the morning I woke up, and they were ready to go, so we goed. A stone stairway led up to a hill where a stone temple of some kind was standing. It looked ancient. Could this be the dwarf place? Did we find it that easy? Actually, no, it wasn't. We got to the double doors and Cidro picked the lock. He was having problems with the doors, so I opened them for him. I'm pretty buff. I work out. A lot. I mean, probably too much. Like, I really haven't been doing much else ever since Selma left without saying a word. I really liked her. She was cute, and she had this impish smile. That curly hair that always had a strand of curls hanging over her left eye. And she was funny. I mean, I think she was like funny. We actually didn't talk that much? But I bet she was funny. So, like the door opened up to this foyer area that hung over a stream, but the walls had partially, like, fallen down, and the floor was broken with the stream exposed, and there was this tree, and this bird, and some crates. The bird liked Nousha, so it followed her. It was all golden, like my spear. And the coin. They were all gold. The crates were all nasty with, like, water-logged and rotting foodstuffs. Nousha found a piece of parchment. She wasn't able to read it, so I was like, okay I can read it, and it said stuff about an expedition to this place, and still needing to find like some kind of secret. We cross the stream to another set of double doors. A pair of statues with some really weird looking big dogs, with horns, sat on either side. Cidro got them open, and we entered, like, another foyer with a large statue of some kind of crystal thing spewing water into a fountain. Other than that, the room was pretty empty. There was, like, passages on the east and west walls. We decided to head west, because, I mean, why not? After a short hallway it led us to this room. It was creepy, man, like a whole coven kind of vibe. There was a pentagram on the floor drawn in... blood? paint? From the décor, it was like, probably blood. In the center was a cauldron of... blood? paint? Wait, why would somebody have a cauldron of paint? Oh, yeah, to pain the pentagram, duh. Anyway, there was this alter, right? With a skeleton chained to it, picked clean. It looked fairly recent. Some stairs led up to this weird looking alcove, and a desk with some like... book... storage... things, to the south. I took a look at the alter. It was, like, totally an alter to The Shadow. We search the south, and like, found a scroll. The desk totally had some stuff recently removed from it, but I really couldn't, like, figure out what they were. To the east we find an alter to the shadow with a corpse chained to it and bookshelves/desk. In the desk, can tell some items have been taken recently. Find a scroll of Banshee's Wail. As we leave back down the hallway, these two things stared at us through the windows. They kinda looked like those statues we saw out front. No, wait, they were exactly like the statues out front! We ignored them and as we passed they, like, somehow magically appeared in the hallway. Had to be magic, way to big to fit through the windows, man. They spoke in, like, this really old dialect of Basarji. Like older than Korak old. Anyway, they asked us why we came, and said they were ... Hotdogs? Mean, I could really go for some more blood sausage right now... No, wait, HODOG. Yeah, that's it. They were, like, the guardians or some shite. They tell us to go away, and I was all like, 'no way, man, make us.' So we fought. One of them let out this thunderous sound and like Omar was LITERALLY blown to pieces. I'm pretty sure at least one piece of him, like, ended up in each corner of the foyer. Cidro and I made pretty quick work of them, with help from Nousha on her bow. Just before we killed the last one it was, like, summoning something? That's what it sounded like. We rushed back into the cauldron room, and sure enough, it was, like, doing something and the alcove started looking all weird. Examining the pentagram, I was all like 'break the circle!' So I grabbed my shield and started to scrape at the paint. or blood. Whatever. The others joined in. We didn't break enough to like totally stop the summoning, but only one of the two things we saw crawling out of the portal was able to make it. Still shite. This gigantic spider with red and white markings and, like, human hands came through. I rushed it and got a meaty blow on it before it cast darkness. Cidro and I continued to fight it in the darkness, and Nousha was all like 'twang twang' with her bow. We killed it, because we're awesome! With that little silk shitter outta the way, we headed to the west room. The hallway there was totally broken, man, exposing like a 10-15' drop off into the stream. I leapt across first, breaking off a piece of the other side, like not cool man. Then I threw my giant hair rope over to help the others. Giant hair, that is so weird, man. Like, why isn't it oily? Hair gets oily when you don't wash it, and like, the valley I got it from didn't really have water sources big enough for the giants to wash their hair. I mean, do I need to wash the rope to prevent it from getting all like oily and shite? The others came across and we found some kind of like little throne room. There was a skeleton, totally picked clean like the other one, sitting on the throne, with a great sword next to it. There was a weapon rack, and a desk, and a table, and a bed... no, wait, was there a bed? No, oh, dude, that's my bed! Anyway, we search around. We found a map like the one Faelen had, but like this one was newer and not as soiled. There was a book of notes, talking about this thing called a Grimmlet... I wonder if they taste like chicken? No, they are crystals... Probably tastes like salt or something. The notes dealt with finding a grimmlet. Another book, really old, like Korak old, was mostly ruined, but I was like able to read some of it. There was a hand drawn picture of a grimmlet, it looked like that statue in the foyer. It was from, like, the void or some shite. Definitely magical. The book was called 'Grimmlet...' um, what was it. Started with a C. 'Grimmlet Calibration'? No, that's not it. 'Grimmlet Camouflage'? 'Grimlett Complacen... Grimlett Construction', yeah, that's it. All the weapons were of normal quality, so we didn't bother. I'm not hauling a great sword around just to get like 10 GP. There was a bag, though, on the floor, and it had, like, 600 gold stallions, so we took that. There was a passage leading outdoors to the south, and on a small bridge I found another skeleton like the rest with a dragon bone spell book. That was it for the structure, so we headed back to the foyer. The second foyer with, like, the statue, not the first foyer with the tree, and the stream, and the bird, and the crates, and the other two statues. I figured the statue either must have something inside it, or was hiding a secret passage. I tried to find, like, runes, or a switch or something, but no dice. So, like, I was all like 'let's destroy the statue', so then I like cast a pair of shatter spells on it. I cracked it pretty good, but not like enough to use the hammer Nousha gave me to finish it off. Not to worry, though, cause Faelen TOTALLY new shatter too? I mean, like, what are the odds, man? She cast two more, and the statue like totally broke apart. I found a switch, and after Cidro triggered it, a secret door on, like, the north way totally opened up. Called it! As we headed north, I spotted four flagstones that didn't look right. I told Cidro to check it for traps and Nousha went to help him. I told them not to trigger it. So what does Cidro do? Like, he totally triggers it man. Didn't I just tell him not to trigger it? Wait, did I? I think I did. Maybe. Definitely maybe. They got blasted with really cold air. They were both shivering but they, like, claimed they were good so we moved on. The next room revealed to us what this place really was. Like, a mausoleum. You know, where you stick rich people and shite? There was a sarcophagus in the room, with paintings on all the walls telling, like, this story where this king, maybe an emperor or prince, hard to tell from paintings, I'll just say king, where this king had the grimmlets, and he was running around getting more 'cause he had to catch them all, and then totally used them for conquest. Bad mojo. It appeared these things were some kind of like powerful familiars. Examining the stone casket and the paintings, I was totally able to tell this was the tomb of King Mer-amen... hehe, merman... some ancient pharaoh or shite like that. We were about to open the sarcophagus when this elf came up from behind us and told us to immediately leave. Nousha and I went to talk to her. She said her name was Helia... helia hot, more like it! We're just talking and getting to know one another when those kobold-heads opened the tomb. This mummy, with words written all over his wrappings, like, pops out. A grimmlet it has starts, like reproducing all over the place. Like 12 of them. I ran over and hit it pretty hard, and as I did so, Faelen read something she pulled from the tomb and activated the grimmlet inside. I snagged it from her knowing she was up to no good, but the grappled me long enough for, like, the mummy to totally paralyzed me. The others couldn't really hurt it, except for Nousha, who helped totally take it down, except that the thing also cursed me. Not cool. When I tried to move, usually I just stood there and did nothing, and when I did move, it was, like, really slow... I was pretty much disabled for the rest of the battle, which was total shite because, like, I really could have helped after those dicks activated the grimmlet and tried to run. We manage to kill Cidro, but Rashad and Faelen escape. Noushea chases after the grimmlet, but it was, like, totally gone, having jumped into the stream. Helia tried to break my curse, but she was totally not powerful enough to, like, break the curse. We go back to the camp, and they are totally gone. Left, like, everything behind, but took the horses. Even Franz! I loved that guy. If you put honey on his gums, he would totally do this weird licking thing, trying to get it all... He was a hoot. But now he is, like, gone. We went back inside and got the wrappings off of King Merman. They looked like a spell book, just a spell book that has been wrapped around like a totally crusty corpse for hundreds or thousands of years. Maybe a million, that's what it smelled like. We also found, like, 2,500 in gold and gems in a locked treasury in the back. SCORE! Dammit, where is that cheese? I just had it, dammit, where th... oh, there you are, my tasty little morsel! Come to papa! So, like, we went back to camp and examining the map it looks like they, like, started at a place in Binsada called Altaawus Alkabir (The Grand Peacock). We also found another 600 golden stallion, some noble clothes, and an excellent quality lute. The clothes didn't, like, have any emblems or sigils on them though. Bummer. These grimmlets are dangerous, and the one that escaped needs to be hunted down. And, like, I totally need to get Franz back, man. Heading back was slow. With my curse I was like, totally, like unable to go very fast. We made it 3 miles the first day, another 4 to get out of the woods on the third... no, wait, second day. We spotted a caravan headed our way, and we were like 'man, hope they are friendly', and it was, like, totally cool 'cause they were. We told them not to take the pass in the mountains, but the long way instead. They sold us a draft horse, TOTALLY saved us, and we rode the rest of the way back to Djafra. So, in summation, grimmlets are bad. One got loose. It may or may not be with Faelen, I'm like 92%... no wait, 93%... um, 99% sure it is with her. Need to form up a party to travel to Binsada to hunt her and the grimlett down. And get Franz back. I sure miss old Franz. All in all, we scored like 5,575 GP in loot, plus Nousha got a future casting of Identify, the scorpion coin, and like 2 pearls. Aside from my cut of gold, I got the scroll of banshee wail and three pearls. Since the other jerks bailed, we only had to split it between Nousha and I. Not bad for wandering randomly around the woods for a few days. Jannis "Flying High" Fisker P.S. I like totally got healed by some greedy priests down in Djafra who removed my curse for me. P.S.S. I totally need to find some more of this grass. P.S.S.S. Bought a new horse, not as good as Franz."
